Harnessing the Power Within: A Journey of Resilience and Transformation with Debbie Weiss

Empowered Within presents an extraordinary conversation with Debbie Weiss, bestselling author of On Second Thought, Maybe I Can, speaker, coach, and podcaster. Debbie's journey of resilience, courage, and self-discovery will inspire you to take control of your life and chase your dreams—no matter the circumstances.

In this episode, Debbie shares her raw and powerful story of overcoming limiting beliefs, navigating life as a caretaker, and finding the strength to rewrite her narrative. From caregiving at a young age to embracing her inner power and becoming a beacon of hope for others, Debbie’s story is a testament to the transformative power of believing in yourself.

Discover how Debbie turned life’s hardest challenges into stepping stones for growth, her secrets to staying resilient, and how she inspires others to embrace their own "Maybe I Can" moments. Tune in for a heartwarming, empowering conversation that will leave you ready to harness the power within.

🔗 Visit jenniferpilates.com for show notes, links to Debbie’s book, and more!

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Chapters

• 0:06 Empowering Stories of Caregiving and Resilience
• 10:37 Parenting, Caregiving, and Self-Discovery
• 16:37 Embracing Change and Personal Empowerment
• 27:05 Finding Strength and Inspiration Through Adversity

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:06

Welcome to Empowered Within, a soul-quenching, transformational podcast that will set your soul on fire. Through candid and inspiring conversations, leading experts, celebrities, healers and I share our journeys of how we've overcome challenges to living an empowered life from within. I'm your host, jennifer Pilates. Welcome to another episode of Empowered Within. Hi there and welcome to the show. I am honored to have with us today's guest and my good friend, my fellow pink lover, debbie Weiss. Debbie is a best-selling author of the memoir on Second Thought Maybe I Can. She's a coach, speaker and podcaster. Debbie inspires women to take control of their lives by harnessing their inner power, regardless of their circumstances. With over 50 years of experience dealing with some of life's toughest challenges, debbie is an expert in chasing your own dreams in spite of your circumstances. Debbie has overcome her own limiting beliefs and fears, allowing her to begin to live her best life, and her life's passion is to help and inspire others to do the same. Welcome to the show, debbie.

Speaker 2: 1:21

Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here, Jennifer.

Speaker 1: 1:25

Yes, I'm so excited to have you here. So, for those of you that don't know, I was blessed to be a guest on Debbie's podcast and so, of course, we had to have her on our show here. So so excited. First and foremost, congratulations on your bestselling book. Thank you so much.

Speaker 2: 1:44

It's a whirlwind and excited to stay. I'm an author. It's crazy.

Speaker 1: 1:49

I love it. I think it's so amazing. It's such a great transformational story and I love how authentic and vulnerable that you are in it, and will you share how your journey began to even bring the book to life?

Speaker 2: 2:07

So I never had any dream of being an author. As a matter of fact, I was the girl in college who I would find out beforehand if you had to write big papers in that class. I was not taking it. And so, you know, the universe just kind of kept telling me you need to get your story out there, you need to get your story out there. And when I realized that, you know, throughout my whole life I was blaming my circumstances, the things that were happening to me, all of these things were dictating the course of my life and it wasn't going my way and I felt like I didn't have any say in it. And when I realized that I was wrong and I felt to myself I'm 50 something years old at the time and halfway intelligent, and if I didn't realize it, there must be other people who didn't realize it either. And how am I going to tell them?

Speaker 2: 3:09

Of course, a podcast, but it seemed like the best way to get to the most people was through a book. I met a woman who helped first-time authors get their stories out there, and I still didn't believe that I was really going to do it. And once I started, with the support of other first-time authors. Something about that accountability is really helpful. Next thing you knew, I did it and I actually wrote the book while my husband was dying.

Speaker 1: 3:41

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you, I'm so sorry for your loss, I do. Your book is so amazing from beginning to end because you start the book as a caretaker at a very young age and as the book closes, a caretaker and your husband passing. And so I'm wondering if you walk us through a bit of that, because caretaking is one of the most hardest jobs in the world, I feel, and undervalued when it should be so valued and there should be so much more support around that. And your journey began as a very young girl with caretaking and I'm sure so many people could resonate with that with caretaking and I'm sure so many people could resonate with that.

Speaker 2: 4:32

Yeah, my dad had a massive stroke and survived when I was 17. He had just turned 46. And he was permanently disabled and my parents were divorced and even though after a lot of hospitalizations and rehabs and whatnot he was in a facility, he was able to live semi-independently with the help of a facility. So he did not live with me but for the next 30 years of his life he was my responsibility at that age to try to understand Medicare and disability and even rent. I mean, who knows about paying rent and all the bills? You know, you're just learning all of those things for yourself. And not only did I have to worry about myself but I had to worry about my dad, and it was a 30 year journey.

Speaker 2: 5:22

And then when I had my oldest son at the age of two, he was diagnosed on the autistic spectrum and that was and still is a different type of caregiving, different type of relationship. So that was all consuming and my dad was ill at the time for the last many years of his life. So it kind of coincided. So I had the two of them at once that I was caring for In addition, by the way you know, just still working full time, and I have a younger son and all those things. And then my husband, for the last many years of his life, was really deteriorating, both physically and mentally. He suffered from both physical and mental illness and he was permanently disabled and stopped working about four years before he died and out of the blue, he was diagnosed with a terminal blood cancer that was unrelated to any of his other and he had a whole laundry list of other things. So it was, it was a shock, and so I took care of him as well.

Speaker 1: 6:29

Wow, and that is just. It's so commendable. And I think that what a lot of people don't understand is when you say, well, I was taking care of my dad, but he was in a center or he was in a facility. And the truth is is, if you know anything about that industry and I specialized in it for 20 some years of my life you still need to be there almost 24, seven because you don't know what really goes on in those facilities and in those situations. And so, being such a young person and trying to take care of yourself and now, like you said, trying to navigate that industry to make sure that he was getting the right care, I mean, what kept you going? How did you manage all that?

Speaker 2: 7:14

I think in the beginning it was empowering because I was shy in a way. When I was a young very, I always had a weight problem and so I was always judged for the way I looked, and so I would rather not be judged, so I'd rather not be seen. And so if you don't want to be seen, then you don't speak up. And I wouldn't even go into a store and ask a question. I would send my brother, who was four years younger, you know, eight years old, I, michael go in there and ask, because I'm not going to ask and he would, but I wouldn't. But when my dad got sick, I was daddy's little girl. This was different. I wasn't going in there and talking on my behalf. Now I was empowered because I wasn't going to let my father down, and so it actually, in hindsight, helped me to find my voice, to find my courage, to realize that I had something to say and it was important to speak up. And it was a journey, but it was a learning, a good learning opportunity for me.

Speaker 2: 8:22

In the beginning it was empowering. After a while it was burdensome. I mean, I'm not going to lie, it was burdensome. All my friends were living life, and a carefree life in their 20s and not having to worry about some of the things that I had to worry about.

Speaker 2: 8:42

My father did some crazy stuff and got taken by a woman in the facility and got married. The woman thought he had money and he didn't have money and he moved out and at 25 years old I had to figure out how to get him divorced and steal him from where he was. It was, you know, everybody else was going on vacation or going out to a club, and these were the kinds of things that I, you know I had to worry about my dad also. He had nothing and nobody else and he called me all the time, all the time and it. You know, I, in hindsight, I wish I had more patience, but I did, I got. It was frustrating, it was overwhelming and I did become resentful and even though obviously it wasn't his fault and all the things and I never would have changed a thing, you know I am happy that I was the one who was there for him, but that didn't make it easy.

Speaker 1: 9:50

Absolutely not, no. And when you think back, how many years ago was that? That was back when people didn't even discuss caretaking or support for caretakers or anything. And to what you spoke about your dad and that woman, that's very prevalent in that industry. People have no idea how prevalent that is and it's a taboo. It seems that people don't talk about it when it is something that it's necessary to think about. That because it happens actually, whether someone's in a facility or whether they are a senior anyways, it just, it really is so prevalent for people to take advantage because they see, they think they see money there, and so that is, oh, my goodness, so much for you to under underscore. And then, when your son was born, that must've been such an elated time. But you know, and thinking, there's this beautiful light and carefree energy. And then, all of a sudden, how did that feel? Was that another road? What did that feel like to you when you received that diagnosis? Well, first of all, I had infertility struggles.

Speaker 2: 10:58

So it took me years and many failed attempts to get pregnant in the first place. And so I was an older mom and what did I know? I didn't know what was typical, right, when it's your first child, you just don't know what's typical. And so when it all happened, it was. I mean, I can picture the day that the doctor gave us the diagnosis and I can picture Gary who's my husband, gary and I outside, strapping Sam into the car seat and just crying hysterically and hugging each other.

Speaker 2: 11:36

You know, because it's your child, you want them to be perfect, but you want them to not have to struggle, right? I mean all of us, anybody who's a parent, you want to take that struggle away, right? As a parent, it's. There's nothing worse than watching your child suffer. And I just had no idea it was so unknown. And back then it's like just to go back to what you're saying about caregiving I didn't even know, you know, it wasn't probably until I don't know. I want to say, like 10 years ago, that I, or even less that I first heard the term family caregiver. Like you mean, there's a name for what?

Speaker 2: 12:23

I've been doing. I didn't know that. I would never have even thought of that. And so, similarly, Sam is 23 now. So, similarly, Sam is 23 now. So 20 something years ago, nobody knew about autism, Nobody, I mean. I only knew of. I mean, I hate to say it, I only knew from Rain man. Right, that was it. That was my only exposure, but it's a spectrum disorder and you know what do you do.

Speaker 2: 12:56

And there was no coverage for therapies, for specific types of therapies ABA, certain you know, behavioral therapies. Back then there was no resource. There was no, you had to do it on your own. Was no resource? There was no, you had to do it on your own. Yes, there were limited resources, but that was like two hours a week and these kids didn't need two hours a week. They needed intensive therapy and luckily or not luckily I have a friend who has a daughter who has autism and she's 12 years older than Sam, so she'd been through it before and she helped me. I put my own team together, I had them trained, I had people here 30 hours a week working with Sam. It was a full-time job and one that I couldn't afford.

Speaker 1: 13:55

So during this, at this point, you still had your dad. Yep, you are married and you're working.

Speaker 2: 14:03

And I have a younger son.

Speaker 2: 14:04

I had a younger son and you had a younger son. He's 20 months younger. Yep back. How did you do it, adrenaline? Honestly, there was nothing. Nothing was going to stop me from doing anything and everything that I could to help my son. And people say now well, do you think it made a difference? I have no idea. I don't know what would have happened if he didn't have those interventions. You know, I don't know, but all I knew for myself is I had to do whatever I thought I could at that time and in my mind I had like this kindergarten was the deadline thing. You know, he's two. I've got to get him like looking as typical as possible by kindergarten. I don't know why. That was just in my head. So it was like this intensive short period of time that I felt I had to throw it all at him. Poor kid.

Speaker 1: 15:07

Poor. Thing.

Speaker 2: 15:08

Yeah, I dragged him places.

Speaker 1: 15:12

Yeah, but it was all out of love. I mean, what an incredible caretaking journey. And then, for everything that you've been through, that you went through with your husband, when was the moment that you realized that you had the power to change your life and that you were going to pivot in a new direction?

Speaker 2: 15:34

and that you were going to pivot in a new direction. So I don't know if I knew that I had the power at this point, but when I turned 50 is when I knew I needed to do something. Something for me about the number 50 made me look back and look ahead and say I don't know how many years I have left I didn't have some burning desire that I had never fulfilled. You know what I'm saying? I never wanted to write a book. If I wanted a different career, I didn't know exactly what that was. So it wasn't that I had something specific in mind. I just knew that if I were to die today, I would look back on my life with regret, because it wasn't a life that I lived for me. Now, that's not to say that I would not have still taken care of my loved ones, because I would have, but I should have also been taking care of myself, and I wasn't in any way.

Speaker 2: 16:37

And I knew then that nothing was going to turn this ship around other than myself. And it was time for me to take responsibility, because up until that point and I didn't realize this at the time I was living my life with this victim mentality. Why me? Why did all these things happen to me? Poor me. I'm struggling with this, that and the other thing. And look at that person. Their life is so much easier than mine, and yada, yada. And maybe they are, maybe it's not. It doesn't matter, it's life, right. We all have our struggles and it's really how we respond to them that determines the path that we take, and I was not taking ownership of how I was responding of how I was responding.

Speaker 1: 18:32

When you came to that realization, what was the first thing or first step that you did to empower yourself to take ownership of your life?

Speaker 2: 18:38

So I've had a lifelong struggle with weight, as anyone who has had the same struggle, anyone who has had the same struggle. I've lost, you know, gained, lost and gained, hundreds, thousands probably of pounds. At this point, and you know I, my mindset was okay, I go on the diet and in three months I have to lose 25 pounds, and by the summer I have to lose this. And. And then, if I didn't do that, it was a failure. And then I'd throw my hands up in the air and say you see, I can't do this anyway. This is what I've known all along. I'm meant to be fat, screw it. And then that's when I would gain the weight.

Speaker 2: 19:19

And at 50, instead of being worried about how I looked even though that was, you know, honestly, still motivating it was my goodness, how long are you going to be here for your kids, right? It turned into a little bit more about health, even though, luckily, I didn't have any health concerns. But you know, I was pressing my luck, and so I went back to Weight Watchers for the millionth time. But I took a different attitude. I left that perfectionist thinking behind and I didn't set any stringent time and number goals. I said I am going to my only goal right off the bat nothing to do with eating, nothing to do with eating, nothing to do with exercise, nothing to do with anything other than once a week I'm going to the meeting, that's it. If I do that, I'm a success. And that's all I did for about two or three months and I didn't lose any weight. But I got in the habit of going and then, okay, good for me. I felt like I was, you know, feeling a little little good about myself. Let me try and add something else. And then, you know, slowly I would add little, teeny, teeny things to that.

Speaker 2: 20:45

You know, in Weight Watchers, you back then you tracked your points, you tracked your food right. So I'm going to only I'm going to track my food 50% of the time for four days a week, you know, and same kind of thing. And it doesn't matter how long it takes and it doesn't matter. None of it matters, because what I finally realized at that point was this is not a diet, and now people say it all the time. My kids used to make fun of me, but they didn't understand. I had a mentality you're on the diet or you're off the diet, and I would go out on a Saturday night and I would watch my skinny friends eat and drink probably more than I did. And I would go out on a Saturday night and I would watch my skinny friends eat and drink probably more than I did, and I would think to myself, well, you see, that's not fair. But what I wasn't realizing is most of them weren't doing that seven days a week. You know, they were doing that one or two days a week or whatever they were doing, and it didn't matter what they were doing.

Speaker 2: 21:49

If I want to make a change, it has to be for life, and so if this is for the rest of my life, does it really matter if I hit my goal in a year, two years, three years? No, as long as I'm moving in the right direction, I'm good. And that kind of took all the pressure off. And that meant you know what? Today I want to eat those two chocolate chip cookies. I'm doing it and I'm not feeling guilty about it. But that doesn't mean that the rest of the day or the rest of the week or the rest of the weekend, you know I'm going to say, oh gosh, I blew it. And in the end, you know I'm going to say, oh gosh, I blew it.

Speaker 2: 22:32

And in the end it was a mindset shift, but I was unfamiliar with what I was doing. I didn't know anything about mindset. I didn't, you know, I hadn't really learned the idea about, you know, breaking a large goal into smaller, bite-sized pieces. I don't know, I don't know where I got it from, but I'm happy I did. And so that's where it all started. And once I saw how it all worked, I thought to myself well, maybe I can apply this to something coach.

Speaker 1: 22:58

This is a few years ago.

Speaker 2: 23:16

And so you sit down and you tell him your story and at that point I'm like I don't really have a story. I didn't realize. Well, he's like tell me about your life, and I tell him. And at the end he said your life is like maybe I can. And I tell him and at the end he said you know, your life is like maybe I can. And I said, well, what do you mean?

Speaker 2: 23:30

And he said your whole life you've been told no, whether it was you were told no by your mother, which you know had to do with my mother not letting me eat food, or people have told you no, or you yourself have really told yourself no, which to me is what it really resonates with, because most of my life, if there's been something presented to me, I mean it could be as simple as you want to go learn how to roller skate. You know no, no, I can't do that, because I was so fearful and so feared of being judged and not being good at something that it's much easier to just not jump out of your comfort zone, and so I would always say no. First part of the title is like you know what, if we each just wait a minute a beat. Right After that first gut no, no, no. And then start to think, well, why not? Maybe I can try that.

Speaker 1: 24:44

Maybe I can, so that's where it came from. I love that. So when we talk about your book and it is your memoir what is one thing that you hope that your readers walk away with from your book?

Speaker 2: 24:54

That it's never too late, that nothing can be so bad that you cannot do something to move yourself in the direction that you want to go. There is no excuse, because all it is is excuses. You're telling yourself excuses and, regardless of what your situation is, you have the power to do something about it. It might not be everything all at once it most likely isn't but you can start making decisions today, right this second, to change the trajectory of your life.

Speaker 1: 25:35

I love that. It's so powerful, and maybe I can, if we just all implemented that. Every time you're about to say no, or I can't imagine the powerful world that we could all be living in, the more positive world that we could all be living in.

Speaker 2: 25:55

That would be incredible.

Speaker 1: 25:57

So you also have an online store and it's called Sprinkle of Hearts and it has a very touching story that goes along with it. Will you give us a little tidbit of that story?

Speaker 2: 26:10

Sure. So I've always loved hearts, from the time I was a little girl. I love hearts, I love pink, I love red, and when I was in college in Washington DC, there was a store that only sold items with hearts in it and I had never seen anything like that and I wanted to live in that store and I would drag my friends there all the time and they'd roll their eyes Are we going there again? Yes, it's like the feel good place I need to be and I said, someday, I'm telling you, someday I'm going to own a heart store. It might not be this one in DC, but I'm going to own one. And, of course, life happens and I graduate with an accounting degree, not a heart store degree, and I forget all about it, like literally forget all about it. Still, love hearts. That's stuck with me. That part never changed.

Speaker 2: 27:06

And right before Thanksgiving, the month before my husband died, I was scrolling shopping right on my phone while I was in my bed and whatever store I was in, I searched the word hearts, just like I have a bazillion times, and all of a sudden, for some reason, the heart store popped in my head. I thought to myself it's 2022. I don't need to have a brick and mortar store. I can have an online store. And it just so happened that I had a woman that I met who this is what she does for a living she sets up online stores. And I called her the next day and I said Sarah, I tell her the story. I said but here's the deal. I don't have any money, I don't have any time, I can't do any mailing, I don't have any inventory Like I can I have my heart store? And she's like yes. So she explains to me and I decide, literally this is probably the middle of November and two months later my store was open.

Speaker 1: 28:14

Congrats. It is so cool, the phone, I mean, can we talk about the phone cases? The phone cases are amazing.

Speaker 2: 28:21

Yes, Love this one. I don't even know this must be on there now. It's still on there, maybe I can. Yeah, it says maybe I can.

Speaker 1: 28:27

It's still on there in pan. So you and I, we love our pinks, we love our hearts and the bags, the canvas bags, the sweatshirts, and I was like this is so amazing, I love it.

Speaker 1: 28:39

What's so special about it is the story. The story is just so special that goes along with it. And again, it's one more kudos to you of, after everything you've gone through and putting everyone else first, you're taking the baby steps and doing things for you and even outside of your comfort zone, and I think that that's so important for people to hear and to understand that maybe they can, and it's certainly it's never too late.

Speaker 2: 29:06

Never too late and I'll tell you. I go to that store and, like you said, I mean you can't see I have a million bags in the corner. You can imagine I have stuff everywhere and every time I touch it I look at it. It just makes me happy. I love it.

Speaker 1: 29:23

It's the best the best, oh, absolutely. It's such a happy little store I love it. So I want to touch on something. You wrote this in your book. You wrote oh, this is my one and only life, and I don't want to look back years from now with regret for the things I haven't done. So, with that being said, what is one thing that you haven't done yet that you are looking forward to doing?

Speaker 2: 29:52

So right now, oh, I have so many things. This is in the near future, but I'm hoping to do a TEDx talk. So public speaking was something that I was petrified of, and I write a story in the book of how I kind of forced myself to get over it. And when I took the leap and got up there in front of about 150 people and was shaking and had no saliva in my mouth, what I discovered was how much I loved it and I never if I hadn't done that, if I hadn't and it took me 55 years to do that and I, oh my goodness, I said no to an opportunity for such a long time only because I was going to have to give a talk and have all these eyes looking at me. The audience had connected with me and they were all looking at me and I told a story that had some emotion and I could tell that they were with me and were feeling my emotion.

Speaker 2: 31:07

It was incredible. I mean I know the word is like a speaker's high and that's what it was. I said I need more of this. So you know, I would love to be that person. I can't even believe I'm going to say this. You know, on that big stage in the arena, inspiring others.

Speaker 1: 31:28

You know, with my talk, I have no doubt that you'll be doing it sooner than later. I have full faith in you. Thank you doing it sooner than later. I have full faith in you, thank you, and I can't wait. If I'm close enough, I'd like to be in their arena to be able to support you. If not, I will be there in spirit and I will be watching it and sharing it with everyone afterwards. Thank you, you are so welcome, debbie. This has been such an honor to have you here. I just love you so much and I am so grateful for you to come on and share your journey and your story, because it means so much to help empower women, to empower caretakers around the world and in the numerous facets that you've been a caretaker is just such a beautiful hard blessing. I'll phrase it that way A beautiful, hard blessing, and we both know that role of caretaker so well, too well. But again, blessings, blessings all around. Will you share with our listeners where they can best get in contact with you?

Speaker 2: 32:34

Sure, so the best place is my website. Everything is there. It's debbyrweisscom. Got to put the R in there, otherwise you wind up on a realtor in California and you'll say, hey, this doesn't make any sense. So yeah, debbyrweisscom.

Speaker 1: 32:53

And, as always, all of Debbie's information will be over in the show notes on jenniferplattiscom. Information will be over in the show notes on jenniferplattiscom and Debbie. As we close out the show today, what is one last piece of advice or inspiration that you'd like to leave with us?

Speaker 2: 33:09

So in my book I talk about in the beginning how I've always been a girl who didn't have a quote. When you were young, people would ask you in your yearbook what's your quote, what's your favorite quote? I'm like, who has a quote? And it just didn't resonate with me. And four years ago I was once again doing something and a phrase came into my head and I thought, oh, that's good. Did I make that up? Let me Google that. I hope I made that up, because that's really good. And of course I didn't.

Speaker 2: 33:44

And before I tell you I can say everyone's probably heard it and I had heard it many, many times. And isn't it funny how you hear something one day and it takes on a whole new meaning. And so it's from Glinda, the Good Witch from the Wizard of Oz, who said you always had the power, my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself. And I thought that just meant Dorothy, you just had to click your heels and you're going to get home. But oh no, we all have the power and I didn't know it. And if you're a person who doesn't know it now, you do.

Speaker 1: 34:26

Oh my goodness, tears tissues please. Oh my goodness, I agree with you. That hits me so differently now than it did 20 years ago, that quote, it really resonates so much. And it's so true, yeah, it really does. Thank you, that's beautiful. I didn't see that one coming.

Speaker 2: 34:45

Oh good, I'm glad I surprised you.

Speaker 1: 34:47

You completely surprised me on that one. Oh, debbie, thank you so, so much for being here. And again, all of Debbie's information will be over on the show notes on jenniferplattiescom. We'll have links to her website, to her book, to the store so you can go shopping all the things. Thank you so much for sharing your energy, your beautiful love for pink and our hearts. Thank you so much for being here.

Speaker 2: 35:10

Oh, Jennifer, thank you. I really appreciate the opportunity to share my story with your listeners.

Speaker 1: 35:16

Thank you. Well, as we say, until next time, may you live an empowered life from within. Thank you so much for tuning into another episode. Please remember to rate, review and subscribe to Empowered Within with Jennifer Pilates. Your feedback is important. It helps me to connect with you and gives me insight into who you are and what you're enjoying about the show. For today's show notes and discount codes from today's sponsors head over to JenniferPilatescom. Until next time, may you live an empowered life from within.