Living Happily Ever After Now - Overcoming Perfectionism with Nanci Reed

Today's guest Nanci Reed, MA takes us on a journey of self discovering and empowering transformation through her life and how she has overcome perfectionism to Living Happily Ever After Now!

Nanci is a Spiritual Life Coach, Author, Intuitive Healer, and Pilates Instructor that Believes in Impossible Things!

Happily Ever Living is Nanci's signature process to empower Self-Healing of the Mind, Body, and Spirit via Pilates and Practical Spirituality. Nanci helps to gently guide you to explore and discover becoming a part of your Self-Healing process, instead of apart from it.

In addition, Nanci hosts weekly LIVE conversations via the Clubhouse Platform on topics related to ‘A Course In Miracles’, Empowerment, Healing and Forgiveness to name a few.

Nanci recently published a bestselling book, ‘ Happily Ever NOW’ (Not AFTER everything else is perfect); a gentle guide for overcoming the paralysis of perfectionism by embracing our Innate Guidance.

Empowered Within Host:
Hi, I'm Jennifer! Empowering You to Be You! Welcome to my cozy world, our "ah-ha" place of growth, insights, healing, inspiration and empowering success!

Jennifer Pilates, Spiritual Thought Leader has been  transforming clients body, mind and spirits worldwide for over 20-years as a Celebrity Trainer + Empowerment Mindset Coach, World-Renowned Intuitive-Medium Advisor, Author and Host of the Top-Rated Podcast Host Empowered Within. 

 Jennifer is a  multi-passionate entrepreneur, detail-loving, stubborn-as-heck achiever, unshakeable optimistic, philanthropic, self-care activist, fur-baby momma and ocean loving intuitive-empath. 

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Transcript

0:59

Welcome to Empowered Within a Soul Quenching transformational podcast that will set your soul on fire through candid and inspiring conversations. Leading experts, celebrities, healers, and I share our journeys of how we've overcome challenges to living an empowered life from within. I'm your host, Jennifer Pilates. Welcome to another episode of Empowered Within. Hi there, and welcome to today's episode. I'm so excited to have with us today, Nancy Reid. Nancy is a spiritual life coach, author, intuitive healer, and applauds instructor that believes in impossible things. Happily ever living is Nancy's signature process to empower self-healing of the mind, body, and spirit via Pilates and practical spirituality. Nancy helps to gently guide you to explore and discover becoming. A part of your self-healing process instead of apart from it. In addition, Nancy hosts weekly live conversations via the Clubhouse platform on topics related to a course in miracles, empowerment, healing, and forgiveness. Nancy recently published her bestselling book, happily Ever, now, not After Everything Else is Perfect. A gentle guide for overcoming the perfectionism by embracing our innate guidance. Welcome to the show, Nancy. Hi Jennifer. I'm so excited to be here. Oh my gosh, I'm so excited. And first and foremost, congratulations on your best selling book. How exciting. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, it's really been an incredible ride and so amazing to get to experience the perfectly imperfect I feel like that's like the theme of. Every year now. Yes, exactly. Exactly. After 2020, right? Yeah. It's just the ongoing theme for us all the time now. So tell me, will you share where your journey began to bring you to who you are today? Oh wow. Okay. Let's see. So where the journey began would be probably childhood, actually. Ever since I was a little girl, I was the kind of little girl that would go places with like my mom and I would see this other child maybe that was eating like an ice cream cone or something that, you would just normally associate that with something happy and something wonderful and I'd be like, mom, why is that little girl so sad? Or, um, what's going on with'em? They seem like they had a really tough day and, she looked at me like, really? She's just eating ice cream. Like, how, what are you even thinking about? And then it just kept happening again and again. And my mom. She indulged her curiosity about it. And I remember her going up to, this one mom actually in an ice cream parlor and asking and saying this is gonna sound kinda strange, but something sad happened today. And the mom was like, oh, can you tell? And my mom was like, oh. Oh, uh, uh, just, wondering and she said we had to put, our dog down or something. And so we brought her here because this was the last happy memory she had or something like that, and my mom was like, oh. That's interesting. And then, she came back and told me, and then those kind of things just kept happening. But when I was so little, I didn't really know how to navigate, all of that. And so I just had a sense of people's pain especially, and I could like, feel a room before I went into it. Um, it was overwhelming to me as a child. And I didn't know when I felt something, if it was my own feelings or if it was someone else's. And, I didn't know yet about grounding or any of the other things that, um, came later in life. And so it was really about how am I gonna use this gift? In a way that's helpful, but also practical. And, and at the time I definitely tried to just blend in the background. Like I didn't wanna be different than anybody else. I didn't wanna talk to any of my friends about this, and I'd be the weird girl. And so I tried to deny this part of me for so long and yet it was always there. And so I ended up feeling, very awkward and shy and um, and always felt exposed. And people would even come up to me on the street randomly like places and they'd be like, oh, I, I can see your aura, or I can this or this, and you were this great, healer priestess or something. And I'd be like, um, no, I'm just. A little girl, or I'm just I'm just me. And I didn't know how to integrate all of that. And so I went on for. Several years with that denial and really just trying to blend in and not stand out. Like I remember in school they asked us if we could have any superpower, what would it be? And I asked for invisibility because I thought that, that way nobody would notice me, being different and having this. And so I was just in such denial of the experience. But then, After I got outta college, I was in a really serious car accident, and in that car accident, um, we went over a cliff and I was the passenger. And, um, I was a bad blind date basically, um, to the nth degree. And he'd been drinking and I didn't know it. And I, heard my intuitive self, my intuitive voice tell me not to get in that car. And yet I did it anyways cuz I thought, that's just silly. Why wouldn't I get in the car? Here's this handsome guy, he wants to take me on this drive before we go to this amazing dinner and all this stuff. And yet I very clearly heard, don't go. I. And so I did and I was in the car. And then lo and behold, the tires were bald and everything and the car started spinning out. And um, I asked him to slow down and he was like, oh yeah, after we get around this next corner, let me show you what this, baby can do. And it was like a sports car that had these self-adjusting seat belts. So the person that had ridden in them before me was much larger. And it was like when the car was spinning, it became very apparent to me that I was going to either a hit the dashboard like with my head or that I was gonna go through the windshield. Um, because we were having so much force and, spinning around and we took out this bush even like when we went off the edge of this road and just launched and it all happened so fast. But I heard that voice again, the one that had told me not to get in the car. And this time it said push up. And I was like, push up. Okay. So I pushed up as hard as I could with my right hand into the roof of the car so that I would wedge myself in. And so that way when we went over, I didn't hit the dashboard, I. And I didn't go out the windshield, but I also separated my AC joint in my right shoulder and I twisted my thoracic spine and they already had a scoliosis and so it made it even worse. And um, and we went over the edge to this cliff. And the last thing that I remember, Seeing when we were going over was that like I'd always heard that when people had near death experiences that they saw their whole life flash before them. But I didn't see my whole life. I saw only moments where there was either unhealed relationships or where there was still some form of like resentment or unforgiveness and places where I hadn't been kind. Basically either intentionally or unintentionally. And I thought that was so interesting. Even if all this was happening, like I was like, why am I being shown this? What is the purpose of this? And then we went over the edge and we landed. And the window was down on the passenger side. And so all this dirt came into the car and I was literally buried. I thought that I had died. I really did. And that I was just now in this experience of, having seen those moments that I wished I could do over and never going to be able to have that opportunity. And then it like, again, that little voice that was now getting a little bit louder within me that was saying Get out. And I moved as quickly as I could, crawled out the window and it was starting to get dark by then. It didn't have any cell phone reception. Didn't even pay attention to the driver at this point, cuz he seemed fine and, and he was like dazed and confused but I just moved as quickly as I could trying to get away from the car. And I was climbing up this, steep ravine and grabbing onto anything I could. And then the craziest thing Is that these headlights came around the curb and it was this big white truck, and they caught my hair in their headlights and they thought that I was like a deer or something, and they were these contractors down from Oregon who had come down to the Bay Area. Where I lived at the time, um, to do all this work. And they were like, what a strange looking deer. Like it's wearing clothes. And so they pulled over and they stopped and there was this big burly guy, total contractor came over to the edge and he was like, are you okay? What's going on? And I was like, we were in an accident. The car went off the cliff and I'm trying to get back up. And he was like, He's okay, you're gonna have to reach up, um, for me to help you. And I was like, but if I do that, I'm gonna fall. Cuz I was just barely holding onto the edge as it was. And I'll never forget the words he said, because he looked at me and he said, I've got you baby girl. Sometimes in life you need to let go in order to be saved. And so I took all the strength and all the adrenaline that I had within me, not even knowing about my shoulder being injured at the time. And I basically hoisted myself before Pilates. And so I hosted myself up as best I could with my whole body. And he grabbed a haunt to me and he hoisted me back onto the road. And. And so that experience was the beginning of me going, okay. I can't afford anymore to deny this part of me and to deny this knowing within me, and that has to be something that has significance because why else would I have been shown what I was shown and kindness, undoing, unkindness. This must be something bigger for me to look at and explore. And so that really began my journey officially, um, and there were so many other non-linear things that happened after that, but that was like the impetus for it. Oh my goodness. I don't even know where to go. My goodness. First of all, I just think it's so amazing and so wonderful of your mother. That first we need to say thank you to her for acknowledging not only you as her little girl, but who you were when she was unsure of what was going on. And that is so huge because I know that there's so many people out there who maybe weren't even sharing their feelings with their parents because of how you were feeling. Feeling so different. Not sure what to do. And for your mom to hear you acknowledge you and act upon that is so huge. Yeah, it really was. And she does have this amazing heart and even when she didn't understand it, She believed me. She could see the distress that, that I was feeling. And I'm not sure if she was like fully believing that she was gonna be proven correct or incorrect. It was more that she was willing to go on that leap of faith. Yeah. Um, to try to offer her daughter comfort. Too, because I'd had like horrible nightmares when I was a little girl. Um, I used to say, mom put me back inside again because I just didn't feel like this was my home. It was really strange, even as a very young girl. I. And, um, and my mom, told me that they took me to see people that were like sleep specialists and all these things, even like psychics. My dad found the psychic to talk to and they said put the 23rd Psalm, um, in, in her bedroom so that, she has that like energy around her. Let her know that she's safe, have a different light, in the room with her and different things too. So they'd always had. Kind of those inklings, but they didn't really understand, but they were willing to meet me where I am and um, and where I was. And that I think is the greatest gift that we can give anyone, but especially to our children. Truly. That is just amazing. So when we fast forward a bit, To where you are today, how have you embraced this incredible gift slash superpower that you have? How have you over the years harnessed it to make it a part of who you are and shine from that place? I'd like to say that everything was hunky dory from that point on, that I never doubted myself again, that I fully embraced and embodied everything, but that's not my story. And it's probably not, anyone story out there, right? Like so that, that's the relatability and the vulnerability. And and that's a hundred percent accurate, is that, I would have these moments where I'd be like, yes, I'm so aligned. I'm so connected to this and I would shine. And then, oh, that ego would show up and, and didn't like that. And did everything it could to tent me down those familiar rabbit holes of shame, blame, insecurity, anything that it could to keep me playing small, to keep me hiding. And so I went through all these cycles, it was almost like I was the rising phoenix, and I worked with a life coach years ago. And she was like, you don't have to keep on rising from the ashes. You could just soar. And I was like, oh yeah that, that's that. That's really true. And that really rung true for me. And again, I'd like to say that I took that and ran with it and never ever had the issue again. And that wouldn't be true because this is about being perfectly imperfect, embracing myself, not denying it, sharing it with total vulnerability, with total authenticity, to hopefully inspire someone out there that has been dealing with these demons of, perfectionism their entire life, trying to be perfect, trying to fit in. Trying to, give other people the authority so that somehow they'd be off the hook for the outcome. That's really that place of perfectionism that doesn't get talked about a lot. And it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's nothing to blame yourself for, but when you can look at it, And when you look at it with a different lens, and this is like what I talk about, which is kindness and curiosity rather than preconceived judgments or comparison. When you're willing to shift that and literally think of it as taking a contact lens physically like I'm wearing today, and that you're putting that in. Into just one eye. It makes an experiment, and see the difference when you have that lens now be led by kindness and curiosity versus the one that you have been looking at yourself through. And then, notice what that's like between those two sides, and then see how you can integrate that with gentleness, not with judgment. And when you can actually do that. And look at yourself in the mirror. And now look at how you've been looking at yourself in the past to what you really are. Then it's that integration of those two things and not denying one or the other. That actually allows you to come into alignment with your greatest and most empowered self. I love that you talk a lot about Happily Ever living, and so the question would be how have you achieved it? What is it and how can we all have it? That that's a great thing. And that, that is why the book is called Happily Ever Now, not after everything else is perfect because we all have these checklists. Whether it is me working with my clients in Pilates, as you know about, or working with them in more of the spiritual coaching, and somehow it always comes together. It's always emerged between the two. That it's not about. Checking off this list that the world has told you is what is required in order for you to shine or for you to be worthy, to share your light, to share your truth, right? It's more about checking in. With yourself going within, having those conversations within and inviting that inner voice into the dialogue between you and your higher self so that you can really notice all the different ways that you know you're showing up that are amazing right now. Not having to believe that there's gonna be some better version of you that is going to show up in the future, or that if somebody with more letters after their name, this has been my personal classroom so many times, um, somebody with more letters after their name either validates or invalidates you. That determines your potential, your possibilities. And so when you can embrace that, then happily ever living. Is basically gently aligning your mind, body, and spirit with love, not limitations. And that becomes your own unique alchemy for self-healing. And so whatever form that takes, if it's Pilates and practical spirituality like I work with, awesome. But I know that there is not only one way to heal that there are. Thousands, if not millions and infinite ways. And so this isn't about saying that there's only one way to do things, and it's my way. It's saying that this is a way that's been helpful for me. If it could be helpful for you, I would love to join you in that journey of seeing what's possible with you. But the main intention of me sharing my specific experience is to say that what's possible for one of us, It's possible for all of us. And when you believe that nothing is impossible, then that means everything is possible. Absolutely. And while that all sounds absolutely lovely, and I do believe I just saw a unicorn fly by, um, being intuitive. Whether you call yourself an empath or a highly sensitive person, or whatever title you choose to want or label put on yourself, how are you practicing day in and day out, aligning and grounding and living a happily ever life? How are you integrating all of that for you personally on a day-to-day? Yeah, and I would say that again, it's about being perfectly imperfect. Here's an example. Recently what's happened is that. That old voice of perfectionism and imposter syndrome, they showed up and even though my book was tracking as a number one new release in multiple categories, it was getting all this press and all this praise. Um, I had a friend show up very kindly. I do not blame this friend at all who said that there is this class. For authors, by this like big time guy who understands all about promoting your book and advertising your book and knows how to work with the algorithms and all these things, and, it's free. So why don't you go ahead and take it? You could just even do more things with your book. And I was like, oh yeah, okay. That sounds like something I could do. I entered into it innocently, but as soon as I was there, And they were talking about things. It was like they gave us some advice and it's part of the challenge, quote unquote. And it was like if you have, if you were, doing this with your book, I. And thinking that was the right way to market it. Everything's changed. The algorithm is different now. And not many people know this, but we do. And if you sign up for our bigger class, after this we'll walk you through it. But we're willing to give you this little tidbit and this is gonna really take your book to next level because if you leave it the way it is, Then it's gonna get missed by the algorithm and it's gonna get, all this stuff. And I was like, oh no, I put in all this time and all this energy and it's like literally like birthing a child, to have this book. And I wanted to give it the best possible life, but I forgot that little inner voice within me. That had been, speaking and that I had been listening to and that I had just been going with every single day, showing up and saying, what is there for me to know today? And, how can I show up today with total authenticity? How can I let go of needing a specific outcome today? How can I allow my message to be reached in a way that is the most helpful, and get myself out of the way. But instead I hear this person with more letters, more books, more titles, everything. And it was like there was this little part of me, if I'm really honest, that ego part of me that was just waiting for this because it goes like from a course of miracles. We talk about that. The ego goes from. Suspiciousness to viciousness. And if it's thinking, oh, there might be something else different here that you could be doing to be better. You're just a brand new author, what could, maybe you just got lucky. Um, maybe, maybe you're finding this all this out to, to save you all this pain and, everything else, everything that I had been trusting so fully and so in alignment. And I'd like to say that I prevailed, quote unquote, that my inner voice shown through and it didn't. And instead, I let the imposter syndrome sneak back up. And I was like, oh gosh. I'm really grateful to know this information. I better change everything that they're saying cause I need to protect my book. And so I did everything that they suggested and lo and behold, my rankings went and. And I was like, oh no, you know what did I do? This is like unforgivable, right? And so this has been such a tremendous classroom for me in self-forgiveness and also in self-acceptance and in being able to look and say there's still this unhealed part of me. And that's okay. And I'm doing the best I can with it. And I tried to undo it, I tried to undo it and nope, that just made it even worse. But what was hilarious about all this, and I say this with, a light heart now. Is that in the, the past week or so, I had the worst sinus infection you can think of. I lost my voice. I, all I was punishing myself tremendously. I didn't wanna tell soul what I had done because, I felt so ashamed and so embarrassed of it. And here I am talking about happily ever living, and I'm not living happily ever living. I'm in a nightmare. And then I remembered that oh, I get to decide what this means. I get to decide how this is gonna show up for me, and so what a beautiful story to be able to share with people and let them know that this happened. And it doesn't have to be the defining thing. It doesn't have to have the power to take away that sense of certainty and calmness and truth and intuition and guidance that I was experiencing. And just like we say with our clients and Pilates, if they have a bad day, Or if they, go home and they forget their exercises and they come back in and they feel oh no, now you know, I've lost time. We let them know that no amount of a little stumble can ever diminish or take away. From any of the progress that you've already made and that's still there. It's a muscle memory on every level. And so what was so interesting was when I came into complete ownership of my decision without guilt and just looked at it and was like, huh, that's still there. There's still that unhealed part of me and I felt so much relief. My voice came back slowly and the sinus infection, cleared up and all these things and I just felt like, okay, now I have even more to my story. Now I'm even more relatable. Now I'm even more, with the readers that have written to me all around the world about this book and how much it means to them and that they take it with them everywhere they go. And then, oh, am I gonna do an audio version of it? Cause they wanna hear me cuz they feel like I'm telling them the story and I am, um, so it's really. It's just really important to recognize that just because we make a decision to heal something, just because we make a decision to live happily ever living doesn't mean that those dragons are not gonna show up, that we think we've slayed. And if anything, they might even show up more. When you've made a decision to, really commit to your own healing and listening to your own inner voice and that there's nothing shameful about that. That all that means is that you're being a really good, imperfect you and you're succeeding at that. You're not failing at being perfect. You are succeeding at being perfectly imperfect. I love that you shared that, Nancy, for numerous reasons. One, I don't know if you're coming across this theme, not only in your personal life but with clients. I am with lots of people dealing with imposter syndrome and just like you're talking about the challenge that you win, that you entered and went through with your book. I'm finding more and more, and for myself too, I'm, I'm sitting here giggling. I recently went through something similar, yet different. And I was on this one path and then all of a sudden I'm over here to the left and I'm like, wait a minute, how did I get on this road? This is not my road, these are not my people. Hello, next exit, please. And I think you know exactly what you're saying is it's important to go, wait a minute, am I in alignment? This doesn't feel great. It's okay to walk away. It's okay to change. It's okay to pivot at any moment in time. Look what you did. That's amazing. And the fact that you are feeling, so safe and vulnerable here with me today and our community to be able to share that. I am so grateful because this helps so many of our budding authors and just knowing like you don't, everything isn't always shiny. It may look it, and just because it's free doesn't mean it's free because it's still taking your time and your time is priceless. So it's not really free at all. Yeah. So we gotta be real. We totally right. We have to be very clear on what free means. And it's not to say that free things aren't great, but just be real clear. It's not free, it's your time. And that is priceless. Yeah. And to always bring your discernment. That, that, that don't fall for this shiny object syndrome thinking, especially shiny object le letter syndrome. As I would say too, for somebody that has more dollar signs, more letters, more anything under their, after their name, they're not you. And so even if they have the best intentions, which I guarantee that this group did, I don't doubt that for a minute, and they probably did think they were helping, but they weren't me. They didn't know my book, they didn't know my book's story, literally on every level. And they didn't realize that it was reaching exactly who it needed to reach. And that it was being found, and that it was shining on its own. And so there's just that sense of that even when you have everything come into alignment that you say that you want, there's still that little part in us if we're really honest. It doesn't think we deserve it. And that, that's nothing to be ashamed of. It's something to just acknowledge and go, oh, isn't that interesting? And then that makes you so much more compassionate and so much more kind when you see somebody else struggling with the same thing. And you can remember what that was like. And you can say, wow, I don't know your exact situation. But I sure know what that feels like. And I'm right there with you and I'm gonna tell you that this is not deterring you from your path. This seeming detour is your path. And I call these purposeful redirections and that's exactly, yeah. How I'm framing this experience for myself is it has been a purposeful redirection to, to just once again, just tap that little gentle nudge and say, okay. I hear you. I'm with you and I might have wandered for a moment but I'm here. That is so beautiful. So beautiful. Oh my gosh. Nancy, this has been so amazing. We are getting to this time in the show where I asked this one question, are you ready for it? Sheway? Okay. What is one thing that no one knows about Nancy Reid? No one knows. I know everyone always says that. So then I have to come back and say, okay. Almost nobody, almost no one knows. There's always a little something. Here is the impossible thing that no one really knows unless they've read my book, which is that I married and divorced and remarried the same love of my life. If that doesn't make everyone run out and get the book, I don't know what will. So everyone needs to go and pick up the book. Nancy, please share with our community where can they best connect with you and continue this conversation. Sure. They can find me on Instagram at either Happily Ever Living or they could find me there at Nancy ann a n Reed. They can also find me on my website@nancyreed.com. They can find the book if they're looking for it at happily Ever Now book.com. So a lot of different ways. And then also on Facebook, um, my business page is happily ever living as well. Perfect. And as always, all of Nancy's contact information and links will be over in the show notes on jennifer pilates.com as we close out the show today. Nancy, what is one last piece of inspiration that you would like to leave with us today? What I would like to leave is that now is always the perfectly imperfect time to begin living your best life. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. Nancy, thank you so much for coming here and shining your light and bringing so much value to us and letting us know that. It's okay to be who we are, right where we are in this very moment. Thank you so much, Jennifer. This was a delightful conversation. It was well, as we say. Until next time, may you live an empowered life from within. Thank you so much for tuning into another episode. Please remember to rate, review, and subscribe to Empowered Within with Jennifer Pilates. Your feedback is important. It helps me to connect with you and gives me insight into who you are and what you're enjoying about the show. For today's show, notes and discount codes from today's sponsors. Head over to jennifer pilates.com. Until next time, may you live an empowered life from within.