A mother, A daughter, Terminal Cancer and a Story to Share with Emily Johnson

A mother, A daughter, A story begun by one and finished by another.

It was such an honor to have Emily Johnson on the show! She she shared her authentic self, how it feels to grow up with a mom with terminal cancer, to growing through grief and how she became an unexpected published author.

When Emily was 13, her mom was diagnosed with advanced stage Ovarian Cancer. Statistically, she had very little time left. Shortly after, she began writing a novel, Bird of Paradise. Emily would discover much later that from the beginning her mom intended this to be a life gift for her.  Shortly after her mom's passing, Emily found a letter from her, with a copy of the unfinished manuscript and one request - that she finish the story for her.

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Transcript

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If you'd like to be in the know of all of our events. Giveaways and new episodes, head over to Jennifer pilates.com and hit subscribe. Thank you so much for being a part of our empowered within community. Enjoy today's episode. Welcome to empowered within a soul glinting transformational podcasts that will set your soul on fire through candid and inspiring conversations. Leading experts, celebrities, healers, and I share our journeys of how we've overcome challenges to living an empowered life from within I'm your host, Jennifer Pilates. Welcome to another episode of empowered within. Hi there and welcome to today's show. I'm excited to have with us, our guests, Emily Johnson, Emily is a marketing and advertising consultant who has recently published her first novel bird of paradise, which she coauthored with her mother, Maryland, who sadly passed away after a long battle with cancer prior to being able to finish the novel bird of paradise was released on March 29th, 2021. What would have been Maryland 71st birthday. Welcome to the show. Thank you so excited to be here. I'm so thrilled to have you here. Bird of paradise. All my goodness. The last part of the book nine hours one day could not stop reading. It was so unbelievable to me. So take me back to the part of your journey, where you knew that this was what you needed to do, that you needed to complete this book for you. Um, you know, it kind of came as a complete surprise cause she had been riding it for so many years and never let anybody read it wouldn't even tell me what it was about. Really. And then after she passed away, I found a letter from her with a copy of the unfinished manuscript. And in the letter she asked me to finish the vote for her. So I think right from there, I knew that it was something I had. I went through it never intending to publish it. It was kind of just to fulfill her wish, you know, and as a way to help me grieve. So, I don't think I had to think twice about it. I just knew that it needed to be done. Wow. Now, how long did it take you from when you found the letter to start writing to complete. I think, you know, from what I found the letter, I immediately wanted to read it because I had been interested in reading it forever and she just wouldn't let me do it. So I think she knew instinctively that my curiosity would get to me and I would find a way to read it. So I read it right away, um, and had to read through it several times just to, to let it kind of sink in that this was my mom's words and this was what she was leaving for me. And then I don't really exactly know how long it was until I started writing it, but it was within the first several months. Um, but it took me eight years to complete, but in that time I switched careers. I had a baby, you know, there was a lot else going on and I was forced to put it down, um, here and there, but yeah, it was eight years almost to the day that I typed. Wow. And, you know, I finished it and sent you a message right away. And I said, okay, selfishly, I need to know if there's another book because I'm not ready to be done with this yet. I'm not ready to be done with these characters. And I had a whole story in my head of where we were going with everything, with everything. So amazing. I will tell you, I was very shocked, which I'm sure a lot of our readers will be when they get to a certain point in the book where I literally was. Sat up, put the book down and went, the hell just happened, sat back down. Re-read it. I thought, oh my God, I think I read that wrong. And then I continued further. Well, this is going to be a dream, like what is happening here? And that's when I could not put it down. Like I just, it was like nine hours. I just couldn't stop. It was so unbelievable. It's just so well-written with both of you in both your words that are there absolutely adored it. So tell me, you were 13 when your mom was diagnosed with cancer. How did that impact your life grow? Oh, goodness. I mean, it's, you know, it's one of those things when you're 13, you're right at that moment where you're getting ready to step into a new section of your life. You're no longer a kid, but you're not, you're just quite teenager and you really need your mother at that point. and so I, I remember the exact day I was told it was breast cancer and I remember what I was wearing and what we had been doing that day. It's something that has just kind of been. You know, in my mind. And it's funny because at first, you know, my initial question was, are you gonna die? And that's kind of the normal question that you'd ask him and my mom, you know, with a few choice words that I won't repeat just said, absolutely not. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not planning on it. You know, things kind of went back to normal. She had, the cancer removed and went through radiation. So on a daily basis, it wasn't something that I'd see. it wasn't, she wasn't going through chemotherapy. She wasn't, you know, having any real issues and stuff. Life kind of went back to normal. But when I was 15, she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. And that was advanced stage ovarian cancer. And, statistically, it's not something that very many people survive and that's the one that was, multiple surgeries, multiple rounds of chemotherapy, just when we thought it had gone away, we'll come back again. And so the impact of my life would that particular part of it, you know, you, all of a sudden realized that your mom might not be here for things like your prom or your graduation, or just, you know, so you get married. It makes, it really puts things in perspective that, you know, you really need to appreciate the time that you've got. I think it brought my family very close together, that I don't know if we would have been, otherwise me, I'm an only child, so you're going to be pretty close to your parents. But, I think it's the gift of the whole thing was the experiences I got to have with my family and how close I was to my parents. I mean, we spent my 21st birthday in new Orleans together and I don't think there's too many people that will say they did that. You know, you, look, you look, now I look at the positive impacts that has, and I almost kind of forget the negative of growing up with my mom, you know, facing that terminal illness. Right. Cause I can only imagine how difficult, that was, especially having one diagnosis, let alone two, and then all those surgeries were, you growing up with the thought at some point of, is she gonna be here tomorrow? And how do you process that and work. I think, you know, every time she went in for a surgery, there was always that thought in the back of your mind of will she make it through, um, cause things, unexpected, things that are completely unrelated to what you're doing surgery for do happen. And the older I got, the more I started understanding the concept of mortality and all the things that could happen, that you really, as a child are not old enough to process. Um, so that actually started getting harder and harder. The older I got, she always seemed to have her. The answer always seemed to come back right around my final exams. So I spent a lot of time with her in the hospital rooms and she'd have my textbooks out and she'd be quizzing me. And she was, had been a school teacher for years. So she, um, was very into making sure that my education is not suffering, that my life on a regular basis could go on as normal. She was incredibly strong like that. Sometimes she'd hold back bad news until we got through a family vacation or something. Cause she didn't want that to be tarnished. With, you know, goodness, we're coming back to chemotherapy again or something like that. So she always had a smile on her face and I think that made a big difference, um, because it wasn't something that was, you know, every day I'm going to die. It was every day. It's one more day of blessing to be here. What an incredible example to set as a way to live for you. Definitely. I mean, I, um, you know, I had my moments where I was the cranky teenager and, I thought better, you know, that I knew better than my parents did. And now looking back on it as a mother, I know that I was completely wrong, but, you know, she was really adamant that I still get to have those feelings that I wasn't. Oh my gosh, I can't say this or feel this because you're going through something much worse. She. Yeah. She said, sometimes things suck and it doesn't matter if it, you know, sucks less than something else. It still sucks. You're okay to think that you're okay to have a bad day and that really helped out a lot. And I'm not perfect at living each day to the fullest. I'm certainly not perfect at, you know, not worrying about the things that I can't do anything about by any means, but it's still kind of that guiding light where I can say, oh, you know, you're going to. Uh, police that you don't need to go down right now. And what would mom do, right? Oh, that is so special. What advice would you give to people out there who may be going through the same thing that you've been through with a loved one or family member? What advice can you give to them on to help them? Well, I mean, I think, you know, they always say never give up and I think that's really important. It's not cliche because my mom had, she just accepted, the statistics, she would not have been around for more than a year, but she, just decided this wasn't the way it was going to end. She found doctors that were not going to look at her as a statistic. They were going to look at her as an individual case and, you know, they. And she said, I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to be here to see my daughter walk down the aisle and being 15, that was a long ways away. So, she was here. She saw me get married in her two doctors that were with her the whole way were there as well, which was really special. Um, I will never forget, dancing with those doctors at my weddings, but, you know, it's kinda, it's that idea of never, you know, this isn't, it doesn't have to be a death sentence. You know, it can always be more and to look at it as I'm going to die. Well, I hate to say it, but we all are at some point, but why not push to push that time back and do everything you can. And, and it's sad when people just accept what they're told right away. Um, you know, and then, you know, really the grieving process is probably more than I know, you know, I know more about, because I a just went, well, it's been 10 years, but I feel like I just went through and I was older, but it's, you know, they always tell you that grief comes in stages and you're going to be here and here and here. And I think that's just a bunch of hooey. I think everybody needs to grieve the way they need to grieve. And if one person's screaming at a different stage in someone, else's, it doesn't make you worse or. Week or anything like that, it's just the way it's going to be. You know, I never went through the anger stage of, you know, when they, the five stages are grief for whatever it is, but boy, did I go through the guilt stage a lot longer than, you know, years and years of feeling that guilt. And I actually had to work my way through that in various ways. Because it was so detrimental and my dad went through grieving, you know, very, very differently from me. And I think people need to accept that it's okay to do whatever you need to do to get through your grief. I'm so glad that you shared that because that's true. You know, every person is an individual and your grief and my grief are going to be so different. And while we may not understand. We have to understand the fact that that's still your journey of grief. I think it's, and it's just, I think it's. It almost makes it harder to grieve if you're being forced to grieve in a certain way. You know, and I went and saw, a therapist after my mom passed away. Because someone told me I needed to, and in the end, I mean, the therapist was wonderful and very good at what they did, but. For me, I needed to work it out privately, and work through my issues, you know, different ways. And actually this book was the way I chose to do it. and that just worked for me. Other people, going to therapy helps enormously through grief and it doesn't make you any different. It's just the way. Well, you need it. Right. And the book is so incredible and it just makes me think now, the way that you describe your mom, she certainly does sound a little bit like one of the characters in that book, he does. I mean, the book, you know, it is a fictional tale, but there is so much of my mom in it. I can see a bit of her and each character. One in particular, but you know, I know a lot of, you know, certain things in the book, I mean, Ari, the main character, 17 and 1967, living in San Francisco at the beginning of the book. And that's when my mom was living in San Francisco at the same age. And so there is a few little tidbits and Easter eggs in there that were things that happened to her that. And she'd want me to learn from, which is kind of almost from her standpoint, the point of the book, she didn't know she'd be here to teach me those lessons or to pass on that wisdom. And so she did it through the pages of the book, just in case and there's little bits of my dad and various characters. And oddly enough, she never got a chance to be a grandmother, but I have a seven year old now who was an awful lot, like the little brother and the book, which is a little frightening sometimes when I think about the similarities there. Um, what if it was possible to have local, fresh groceries delivered right to your door? Think of all the free time you'd have will Instacart gives unlimited grocery delivery for one low monthly. I forgot that special ingredient and your favorite dish Instacart can deliver it to your front door. And as fast as one hour, you can shop multiple stores, see deals in your area and save time and money. I've been using Instacart for over three years. 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If you don't like a wine, for any reason, they will either replace the bottle or refund you in full whichever you prefer To receive your penny bottle of wine, follow the link in the show notes so that dry farm wine knows that we sent you and to help support the show, dry farm wines, pure natural, great wines from around the world delivered to your door. You know, there's little funny things that happened in my family and in moments that we laughed about, that are all woven into the tale. And, in a sense, it gave me a chance to reminisce about things with my family. It gave me a chance to continue a conversation with my mom. I really felt like I was still talking to her throughout the eight years that I was riding. And I think that really helped me out. That was my form of therapy was I didn't have to all of a sudden say goodbye. I could just keep talking to her. When I was riding, you know, the part that I wrote a hundred percent, I still talk to her. I was like, mom, what do you think about this? Or mom wouldn't have wanted this. And, you know, and so it was very hard for me to say it was done because I felt like I was closing the chapter. Of my life I'll never have back. Yes. I agree. It was very hard for me to stop and feel that it was done. It was so well-written and the characters, it was just so refreshing. It's such an incredible tale to read through and get lost in. And that's what I loved. I was able to just get lost in the characters and find some hope in the world through the book, which was just amazing. What is it like to go from being a wife and a mom, and to being a consultant, to all of a sudden becoming an author? How does that change your world? It's been really wild. I'm not sure I quite caught up with it, but, All of a sudden, I have this tangible thing that sh that I can share with my mom. And I'm on podcast talking about, her story and the book, and I'm getting, reviews and the feedback from people that I know my mom would have loved. And in the special moments that people reached out saying, you know, we, we read the book and I've gone through something similar. And I just want you to know that. You know, I feel like I can make it through this, or, you know, I had someone that I hadn't seen since middle school reach out because their mom had just been diagnosed with cancer. And that was the surprising part of all of this. I never had any idea how much I'd end up talking about my mom and her story. And, my little boy, drew a picture of the cover and art class and, and, it was just, it's incredible. And to think that I'm a published author, I never in a million years thought particularly for a work of fiction that would ever happen. An incredible work of fiction. Thank you. Absolutely. So what is on the horizon? Is there really, maybe another book coming? What are you thinking? What are you being guided by with your mom? I do have an idea for another book. I'm certainly not at the length of this family saga, but, I would love to go back and tell the story of the. And how they met and worked their way up to when Burton paradise begins. Cause I think there's so much there that dynamic between the mother and the father really sets the tone for the whole family and a lot of the advice within the story and the things that the mother wants to pass on really do come from this example of, a relationship. With the father. That is it. I like to say it's the ideal relationship, but there are still moments where it's not, and that's real. And I do see a lot of my parents in these two characters. And so it would give me a chance to go back and continue a conversation with my father. And my father is still here with me, but getting the idea. To go back and talk to him and hear the stories of how he and my mother met, because the story of how those two characters met his story of my parents. So that's kind of where things are going. I have no idea if it'll ever happen though. I truly hope it does, because that sounds incredible. And then you try, then you couldn't do one about the green parents. Oh my goodness. Without giving too much away, there's so much that you could do from this. I would, oh my goodness. I would pay now to read that tale of the parents. Absolutely. I did so much of the book is about the generational aspect of the world and the family. And you know, what happens, the idea of what happens after someone passes. There's some major theme of the book. And so the idea that I could go back and write about the different generations. That's the whole thing in, so we'll see, I have it laid out in my head. I just haven't been able to get it started. Well, I can't wait for you to get that started. I can't wait to order my book someday. I'll let you know, continue the journey. Oh my goodness. Well, this has been so much fun. Emily. We're getting to that time in the show where I asked this one pressing question, are you ready? Sure. What is one thing that no one knows about Emily? John? Oh boy, that's a hard one. I think, you know, I, gosh, that is such a hard question. I guess, you know, something, and this will be a big admission for me to make, but, all through my life, I have really battled the idea of, and my goodness. And you know, I played competitive golf and I always battled am I good enough to be out here playing in these tournaments? And as a mother, am I going to see constantly secondary? You know what you do, and I've had so much support and love around me, but it's still that internal battle in my mind. And the few people that know, I feel that way were very surprised to find out. So I guess I've just admitted it to the world. You've admitted it to the world. You've released it. So you don't have to act, you don't have to, you don't have to carry it anymore. Well, that is very authentic of you to share that with us, because I know that there's so many people and I have moments myself where we all fall into that insecure. And it's a scary place to be. And I think, but I think it's okay too, because you know, nobody, regardless of how they come off or want to say, it's not going to have one of those moments. It makes us who we are. And it's not a moment of weakness. I think it's almost a moment of strength because you can learn from it. Absolutely. Emily, thank you so much for being here today. Thank you so very much for finishing the novel with your mom. This definitely. I would say my favorite book that I've read this year and I've read a lot. Well, thank you so much reading. I've been reading a lot and this by far, I mean to sit in one spot for nine hours, my chiropractor was not happy the next day, but I was very happy. I couldn't put it down. Excellent. I mean, I'm so thrilled for you to have had this opportunity to write it with your mom and being able to continue that conversation. Thank you so much. You're so welcome. Well, Emily, will you share with our listeners where they can get in touch with you and also grab the book so that they can read it to sure. The book is sold on Amazon. It's in Kindle, Kindle unlimited and in paperback. Maybe someday audible, but we have to get there. I'm very active on Instagram. And that is, oh goodness. What is it? I don't even know what that is. I don't remember it either, but I surely I will have everything over in the show notes at Jennifer dot com. So everyone can head over there and you can follow Emily on Instagram and grab yourself a copy of the book because we can't wait to hear what you think of the book too. When I do have a website it's Emily Johnson writes dot. So that we'll have everything on there. And probably why I don't remember it because I just assume that everyone's going to see that perfect even better. And that too will be in the show notes as well. So it'll be easy to connect. Well, thank you again, Emily. This was so wonderful of you to share your journey and your heart with us today. And I know this is going to help so many of our listeners around the world processing, whatever they may be going through and to give them inspiration, to take that next step forward, to move forward with whatever they're going. Well, thank you. I enjoyed being here. It's great to talk to you. Yeah. Yeah. Great to talk to you, Emily we'll as we say until next time. Thank you so much for tuning into another episode, please remember to rate, review and subscribe to empowered within with Jennifer Pilates. Your feedback is important. It helps me to connect with you and gives me insight into who you are and what you're enjoying about the show for today's show notes and discount codes from today's sponsors. Jennifer dot com until next time, may you live an empowered life from within.