Empowered Within with Jennifer Pilates

Self Love, Relationships and Bonding Based Love Making with Carolin Hauser

April 13, 2022 Carolin Hauser Season 5 Episode 56
Empowered Within with Jennifer Pilates
Self Love, Relationships and Bonding Based Love Making with Carolin Hauser
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Show Notes Transcript

Carolin Hauser, a German-trained Naturopathic Doctor, Humanistic Psychotherapist, and Family Constellations Facilitator, is the author of the Award-winning book "Blossom: Your Seven Steps To Sexual Healing" and Creatrix of the Pleasure IQ and Blissful marriage Method.
Through writing, speaking, leading workshops, and doing hundreds of hours of one-on-one energy work, Carolin draws on a lifetime of study and experience to show you how to create a deeply bonded relationship that can last a lifetime.   

Carolin combines her knowledge\ of energetic healing and conscious co-creation to help couples transform their relationships from feeling frustrated, stuck, and disconnected in their intimacy to feeling deeply connected, excited, and fulfilled so that they can feel whole and fully expressed in life, and are able to create honeymoon feelings that last through Bonding Based Love Making.

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Welcome to empowered within a soul glinting transformational podcasts that will set your soul on fire through candid and inspiring conversations. Leading experts, celebrities, healers, and I share our journeys of how we've overcome challenges to living an empowered life from within I'm your host, Jennifer Pilates. Welcome to another episode of empowered within. Hi there and welcome to today's show. I am thrilled to have with us, Carolyn Houser, a German trained naturopathic doctor, humanistic psychotherapist, and family constellations facilitator, as well as the author of the award-winning book blossom, your seven steps to sexual healing and her new blissful marriage. Through writing, speaking, leading workshops and doing hundreds of hours of one-on-one energy work, Carolyn draws a lifetime of study and experience to show how to create a deeply bonded relationship that can last a lifetime. Carolyn combines her knowledge of energetic healing and conscious co-creation to help couples transform their relationships from feeling frustrated and stuck. And disconnected in their intimacy to feeling deeply connected, excited, and fulfilled so that they can feel whole and fully expressed in life and are able to create those honeymoon feelings. Welcome to the show care. Thank you so much for having me. Yes, I am so excited. And first and foremost, I want to say thank you for opening up your program for me to go through. I have found this to be very interesting and can't wait to share it with our listeners today. Will you start with, where did your journey begin and how you became the queen of bond based? Love me. Yes. So this might sound a little funny to some people, but literally I remember being up in heaven and, um, I remember like being in kindergarten, you know, where you sit on this little wooden chairs with your friends and we were just minding our own business and then God came somehow and said, Hey, there's problems thought on earth. We need some people. That H you know, the people on earth, the couples are having problems, and we need some of you to go down there and help. And my hand just raised itself automatically that got me a free ticket into my mother's belly, in a sense. And, uh, I was born in Germany and I was born into a family that had had a lot of trauma. I mean, a lot of Europeans we've had, you know, have a lot of past trauma and ancestral trauma from. World war II and world war one and so forth. So in my own family and my great-grandparents the generation, half of the generation was wiped out by the war. So by the time my parents came around, you know, their parents were children during the war. So they had suffered all the trauma. And then my parents were raised by my grandparents who had had all the trauma from the war. So there was a lot of unresolved stuff. Let's put it that way. Right. And it would make sense that if you come to the earth to help people with relationships, you would incarnate or come to a family where there was healing to do. My own first half of my life almost was really dedicated to, well, first of all, I had a lot of struggle. Like we all, you know, I struggled with eating disorders and just with my relationship to God and myself, and I had a really hard time having relationships and understanding men, and I really, really wanted to have a great relationship and they would. They would just all like, like quicksand, you know, like break under my own hands or like fall through my fingers. And it was very frustrating. so I just spent a lot of my time and energy on finding healing modalities and figuring things out and came across family constellation some in my early twenties. Up until that time, nothing had helped me with my eating disorders. My parents had schlepped me to art therapy and traditional therapy. And even in front of Buddhist monks, I got blessed by Buddhist monks and, you know, all kinds of like, you've really literally tried everything and nothing had helped. And my mom came across this family constellation work and I, I got to experience it. And within three months I was completely healed from the eating disorders. So that was the first. And then my life got way better. And, I fell in love with an American came to America. I had my children, so life seemed pretty good, but there was still a lot of stuff that wasn't working. Like I wasn't living my purpose. I wasn't making any money. I didn't really have a very fulfilling marriage, even though we were great parents. And, so in 2012 to 10 years ago, I had a. Mental physical, spiritual, complete breakdown. And during that moment, when my body collapsed, like my soul was kind of pulled it out of my body, I was looking down, my body was laying on the floor. My kids were one and a half and five and they were on top of me and not understanding what was going on. And I couldn't do anything. Like I was just hovering a little, you have whoring under the ceiling, you know, looking back down and seeing them. And I couldn't do anything. But luckily in that moment of voice said, well, Carolyn, your work isn't done. And I will send back into my body. And basically if we're oh, for an entire week, get to experience, a state of complete harmony blitz. You might want to call it enlightenment. It was a, it was an experience of seeing that literally everything was already provided for us. And that if we just learned to stay out of resistance or learn to get ourselves into the certain state, that life would just work perfectly, you know, and unfortunately that stayed only lasted a week. And ever since then, it's been my mission to find ways and tools to recreate it and help people to have it and have it in my own. That sounds well. I mean, that is so amazing. So Derek, tell me about that week. Like, what did you experience what was going on? So it basically was a very musical experience at any time. First of all, I realized that the reason why, and at that point in my life, I was diagnosed with stage four, adrenal fatigue and chronic fatigue and burnout. We were going through a bankrupt. I guess I was living my purpose, a lot of negativity basically. So I realized that I had brought this negative state of being upon myself and doing that week. Anytime I wanted to go into like a sub self-deprecating thought or think something negative, but oh my God, you know, worry or anything, it was like, the music was. We'd go out of tune. I w I was like, listen, hearing this nice symphony in a sense, playing in the background at any time, a thought would come. And I was entertaining thinking that thought this music would go out of tune. And I just wouldn't think it, like, it was almost like a warning system to not go negative in my own hand. And so I just stayed in those positive kind of state of being, and I was living in a pretty shady neighborhood at the time. In Santa Barbara, Barbara, mind you, but in the kind of like the ghettos, I'm sorry, Santa Barbara has ghettos. What? Well, you know, there's little like track houses along the trains, you know, railroads and stuff, you know, I mean, it was already pretty good, but anyways, I was a little afraid of the people that were living there. Or during this week, I realized how afraid I was of people. And because they're not weak, I wasn't afraid of people. I would look people in the eyes and they were all friendly and they would do stuff for me and be so helpful. And I was like, why was I afraid of people? Why was I not connecting with people? And people would do stuff for me at one time. I remember I was cooking something and I thought, oh shoot, I need to, I need a lemon. This recipe calls for lemon. And, I don't know if some, somebody knocked on the door or something fell over on the porch. I went outside to the porch and there was a. You know, like that's how it was. I would think of something and had something was just provided for some way or another. I was, I mean, it was completely magical, you know, very magical. So where did that take you after that week? Like did all of a sudden, suddenly everything went away and you woke up in the kitchen and thinking, why am I doing. No, I got into an argument with my ex-husband and it all came crumbling down. But during that week, what God's spread source, whatever you want to call, it had invited me to do as well as to go into the pursuit of pleasure and not pleasure in like a short term gratification, kind of a way to. Learn to be in tune with myself and start navigating my life based on what felt right. And good to me. Right. And that, at that point it felt very scary because I, I realized how much I had amazed made my life choices based on making everybody else around me happy and totally not tuned in with myself, you know? Yeah. And so it led, led to leaving the marriage and going out on my own and, you know, becoming an entrepreneur with no safety net because I'm from Germany, you know, and. I didn't have big savings or credit card or anything like that, but I kept just kept taking steps in the direction that felt like, okay, I need really need to say yes to these things that are scary, but they're right for me. And then in a very short amount of time, my life really went from, you know, like just to give you a graphic example, not that this is about money or anything, but I never made more than$11,000 a year. And after the shift I started making six figures. With doing my purposeful work. I mean, obviously there was working world loft and I needed to learn certain skills and things, but a lot had to do with me shifting and learning, to work with my own energy and having practices that, really sustained me and my energy instead of giving it all away to everybody and running myself into the ground. Wow. So two things here that I'd like to circle back to one, what were the practices that you were employing to help keep you in a. They had a lot to do with, um, being in nature and, you know, Just making space for more time for myself. So to give you an example, my, my son was one and a half years old and I still was pretty much the primary caregiver. So I had 15 hours a week without needing to take care of either of them and just to myself. And I would literally spend 10 of those hours meditating. Resting going to the beach, taking nature, walks, going, dancing, like doing painting, and everybody needs to find what, what does it for them taking baths? Things like that. So, so that I would feel good and rested and then I would spend$5. On building my business, you know, doing marketing or messaging or connecting with people or going to networking or that's wonderful. I love that balance that you're showing there. That's super important for our listeners to hear. And then during that time, what were the passions that you were following that you started to align with, that you were implementing in your entrepreneurial? So it was definitely obviously helping other people, like I really allowed myself to help other people. And, I've always been very passionate about energy and figuring out how to do, how can we truly be, living our most optimal life in a sense that has been my passion and it is my passion. Right? And so along the way, I've picked up some other practices that have also to do with, um, how couples can manage the energy. And, I'm super passionate about. Helping being a couple and having the feminine and the masculine really be supportive of each other. So I just started studying, Alison Armstrong, for example, she has done a lot of work and understanding men, I really want it to be with my soulmate and have that kind of relationship. And so I dedicate a lot of time to learning. You know, practicing things, being in my feminine, things like that. Yeah. Very challenging. So why one piece of advice would you say because not everyone understands the masculine and the feminine, so how do you go about to make sure that you keep it balanced? Because we each, as men and women, have that within us I would say, and you can tell me what you're thinking the last 10, 20 years. Women in general, we've really been leading with our masculine much more than our feminine, and then not understanding why relationships and marriages are not working out. Yeah. I, our health also and our health as well. Yes, yes. Yeah. So it's really, it is like learning really a new way of being, and one of the things that's been most helpful for me is to, first of all, To communicate from your feelings. So when you're communicating, instead of having a whole novel, that you're dumping at somebody to say, Hey, I'm feeling sad right now. I'm feeling happy right now. I'm feeling whatever. And I want like learning to communicate differently and learning to communicate in emotions because it makes it so that you actually have to connect with yourself. You can't just say I feel something unless you're actually. Take a moment and like connect with yourself and feel so the feminine is all about the healthy, feminine is all about really being in your body and being grounded in your body and switching this communication part helps you be more in your body and then doing all these, the, the practices I shared with you, they also helped me very much to be in my body, not just feeling the sand under my feet or feeling the water on my skin. The more we can. Spaciousness and allow ourselves to do things that involve our senses during that time. The more it helps us to be relaxed and open, and those are all feminine qualities. Right. And then what do you say for those who go, oh, I don't get it Carolyn, what's wrong with my house. It's all. It's black. It's white. It's great. That's fine for. Because there's that external environment too, right. That affects the internal. And a lot of people don't realize that's also how we throw off the divine feminine within the masculine and so on and so forth. Yeah. So, you know, it starts with creating your home as a sacred place, even though if you feel like you're fine, you know, if somebody's listening to this, if everything was perfect, they wouldn't be listening. Right. So. You know, so just to start imagining, you know, a lot of us are, have been programmed or trained to be okay with very little Right. So if, what if you expanded your horizon and if you could truly have. You know, most people, they don't want to have to get up at six o'clock that don't want to have to run the kids to school. They don't want to have to be in the car all day. If you truly had a choice, would you choose that kind of lifestyle or would you choose a lifestyle where you do have more time where you actually have time to spend with the people you love, where you can be more connected to nature where you have time to be creative. Right? Right. Most people don't think it's possible. Well, because we're taught the grind. Exactly high school college, get married, have kids that grind, you know, work nine to five, go home, take care, you know, do everything. And you can't be everything to everyone and nothing to yourself. Exactly. Interesting. So explain to me what bonding based love making. Yes, my pleasure. So one of the practices that you, that couples can do to really help them with their energy and their health and sense of abundance is learning a new way of lovemaking. And when I talk about bonding and love based love making it usually jars people a little bit, because this is the most likely information you've never heard of. Suggest something to you. That sounds very, I'm going to warn everybody already. Everybody's listening. This is going to shock you probably it's shocked me when I heard this. but I'm just asking you to keep an open mind. So I did not come up with bonding based lovemaking about five years ago. my relationships still weren't that great. They were on a lot of roller coasters and stuff, and I really, really wanted to make it work. So I wasn't. Kind of desperate place because I had tried so many other things. A friend of mine handed me a book called Cupid's poisoned arrow. It wasn't written by me. It was written by Marnia Robinson. And in that book, Marnia the author kind of described what was going on with my relationships. They would start out amazing. And then they would just kind of like implode explode or dwindle out or go sour or, but they wouldn't, the honeymoon feelings never lasted. And I just couldn't believe why. And she also didn't want to believe that that was just. And so she went on a quest of exploring why that was happening to human couples and, um, started with exploring ancient, love practices, tantra, Dow, love making. And found glues in those writings were the wife, people, the sages were suggesting to have some constraint when it comes to love making. And specifically, they were suggesting to make love in a way where they were basically. Not having orgasms or withholding. Um, ejaculating was mostly geared towards the men. Like there were warnings that if the men went too crazy and spread their semen all over that they would make the women Gracie and that they would go crazy themselves and stuff like that. So. Oh, they w they weren't basically, uh, about, you know, having too much. And so Manya started practicing this. It's here are empowered within bonus clips and behind the scenes videos from podcast episodes, you can check out the pre-show, the post show and everything in between that doesn't actually make it into the podcast episodes. Head over to Jennifer pilates.com click podcast. Watch videos and you can watch never before seen podcast videos of our empowered within episodes. Enjoy 15% off with this promo code Pilates 15. Eating better is the key to better health and mother nature offers us all the right ingredients, eating a healthy, balanced diet. That includes plenty of fruits and vegetables. Isn't always easy in today's lifestyle. That's why juice plus offers mother nature's gift and convenience. Easy to consume products that are as close to nature as they possibly could be. Plant-based nutrition from fruits and vegetables has been demonstrated by science to give your body the building blocks. It needs to help you look better and feel better and live a longer and healthier life juice plus products offer to improve heart health, the immune system, skin health, and other important aspects of health and wellness. I personally have been taking juice plus whole food nutrition for over 20 years. I swear by it. 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You also get a great looking podcast website, audio players, you can drop into other websites, detailed analytics tools to promote your episodes and so much more. Plus Buzzsprout publishes new blog posts and podcast episodes every week. So you can learn the ins and outs of podcasting from the people who eat, drink, and breathe it Just start your own podcast and get a$20 Amazon gift card. Follow the link in the show notes. This let's Buzzsprout know that we sent you and help support the show. Buzzsprout the easiest way to get started in podcasting. She started finding guys that were willing to practice this with her. And eventually she met who became her husband and he had already been, um, he's a biology teacher and was already into neuroscience and so forth. And when they came together, they pretty much rediscovered. And I'm saying rediscovered, because I think that what they discovered was knowledge that we have. In ancient cultures that the human being actually has two programs for lovemaking. One that's strictly for procreation, it's connected to an orgasm because nature had to be super clever to keep us doing those things so that the species survives in a sense, fortunately, that program isn't. In favor of people creating really deep bonds and staying together because nature wants diversity. So in a sense, we have this program that's connected to making baby that we're, if we stay in that program, we're also programmed to find each other boring and just to get restless and find things wrong with each other and move on. Interesting. Yeah. So it's biology in a sense. The good news is that there's an entirely different program that, that engages or activates a different set of hormones. That is also very, very pleasurable. It is not like an orgasm. It's a different kind of a pleasure. It's more like an ongoing, good feeling, stable feeling all day long, kind of feeling, never ending kind of a feeling. So it's not a quick, hi, it's just a very pleasurable feeling that you get to connecting physically with. And I mean, they're still intercourse, but just different. it activates oxytocin, which is also a survival. Um, just like the procreation as a survival program. We have a bonding program to help us bond with each other, for surviving because we survive better. If we're really deeply bonded and it functions in oxytocin and oxytocin. When we have a lot of oxytocin flowing in our system, we feel peaceful. We feel connected. We are creative. We feel happy. We feel. Right. And so when we, when we basically learn to transition out of the procreation based love, making it into the bonding based love, making, it brings a ton of benefits to our lives, not just for our health in terms of, stabilizing our hormones, like literally reversing a lot of auto-immune stuff, chronic pain, because it also has a very beneficial impact on nervous. And it just really allows our bodies to re recharge and regenerate because it's a procreation based love making use of still put me in dopamine is, really a highly addictive, hormone or neurotransmitter. Which makes it so that we have high spikes in our brains. And then when we have a spike, it also goes down. So essentially when we're still on the orgasm rollercoaster, it's literally like being a drug addict who has the Hyatt, and then it has the low for two kind of two weeks, like there's brain research that shows that once you have an orgasm, it takes two weeks for your brain to come back to its normal. Stayed. And during that time, you kind of feel shitty, depressed, irritable, you know, and that's where a lot of conflict start. And we don't know this because we don't have, like, once you have this piece of knowledge, the best thing, you know, now that I've told you this, um, instead of saying, oh, this is not possible, like entertain the possibility that this is possible and start looking for evidence in your own life. And some people, when I share this with they're like, oh my God, I'm so grateful. Somebody says something because I've been really feeling really drained and I'm don't even want to have sex anymore because I just feel so bad afterwards. And you know, I feel connected for a moment while we're doing it, but then afterwards we have these big fights and it makes no sense. And it's so painful because we feel so close and then we feel so far apart. And why is this happening and happening because of our inner chemistry too. Well, I know I've never heard of this in my entire life. I'm finding this fascinating. So now let me ask you what you're describing in the bonding based lovemaking. Is this different than tantra sex? Yes. Okay. Very different. Okay. In Tundra, it's all about, you know, how long can you really have orgasms and how many orgasms can you have? So in a sense, and tantra, it's really more about like getting even more extreme dopamine. Productions and highs, which is really not good for you. It doesn't bond you to a person it's not good in terms of like, it's great. If you want to have amazing highs basically. Right. But in terms of like creating a stable union, that's the opposite. So how do I add. How does this work? Meaning I know I'm sorta like, well, you can't just leave me there. Like I know we need, because I can just be like, listen, there's gonna be like, Well, how does this work? Like don't make me go YouTube just yet. Like, how does this work? Like we got to know it's not that much. I mean, there's some stuff on YouTube, but, but you, it can get really super graphic. I know. So first of all, yeah, go the first layer, like just bring. Yeah. So Marnie, I came up with, uh, exchanges. She calls them ecstatic exchange, just so for anybody who wants to transition the best ways to read the book and then get help with, from somebody because our subconscious usually puts a blocks because we've never done it. And so getting help with subconscious block removal is really important so that you can actually transition and then doing the exchange the way that she has them in the book. And. First of all, if you're sexually active, you have to wean yourself off the dopamine on one hand, but you also have to do what's called bonding behaviors. There are things that register as deeply satisfying in our brain because we have these built in bonding cues. So looking at each other in the eyes, getting loving attention, you know, just when you were a baby, basically, right? Like your moms, swaddled, you and cuddled you. And so a lot of it is about getting out of the. Touching the other person so that you can get turned on or so that they can get turned on and get, get, get, get, and switch into a way of giving to each other. Um, where the attention is just on comforting and comforting touch that registers in the brain as deeply satisfying and safe. So while you're not having orgasms and while you're not having normal sex, you get something else that starts feeling good also. Right? So just not having, just having sex with no orgasms will be very, very fast. That is not what it is. So with the bonding based lovemaking, also for it to be successful, it really needs to happen a lot. So my day usually starts with at least a half an hour of like really like good cuddling, like really giving each other a. You know me to him and him to me, and then every other day in the evenings or in the mornings we make love. So every other day we make love every evening, we spend at least an hour doing these bonding behaviors and cues. And so, you know, one day his love of making one day is not lovemaking. But we spend at least half an hour in the morning connecting in this very specific way with the bonding behaviors and our attention on each other and do the same. An hour in the evening. And then ideally you have like one or two longer stretches throughout the day. So let's say like a Monday afternoon or a Saturday morning where you're not interrupted, or you can just be with each other for two or three hours and really deeply relaxed. And you do make love, but there is not a lot of genital friction. So the more you learn to be with each other physically and relax with each other and gift to each other in this loving way, there is a. And this is just my theory. There is a second, program energy program in our body that starts kicking in and all of a sudden kissing and touching and, and just even slowly moving with each other starts feeling amazing, you know? Well, it takes a little while to wean yourself off the dopamine and feeling like you're not getting what you're normally used to, but you know, it doesn't have to take very long. And then this other thing starts just feeling super delicious and you just feel so happy and blessed and ready to tackle your day and be super productive, you know? And because it's so such a rigid schedule. It gives your nervous system and your subconscious of a way of knowing that your needs are taken care of. You know, you don't have to worry about when you're getting any, any more, because you just know, and you really have a sense of like, I feel so well taken care of all my needs are met, you know, because our sexual needs are like, uh, some of our base, we need them, like, we need those, we need connection. Like we need food and air. We've just not learned how to give it to each other in the correct way where you know, where it really can last and it doesn't ever have to end the honeymoon feelings. Right. So within this schedule, when you say your love making, are we having orgasms? No. Um, it is intercourse, but just very slow and very relaxed men don't even have to stay hard, which is another mind boggler. Right? Yeah. Um, and it's really about like the bodies start to just communicate with each other and, um, you, you get more tuned into the, your skin, even inside of your genitals, you know, Just touching each other feels super amazing. That's the best way I can describe. Interesting. So there, but there's no, there's no traditional orgasm. I'll use it in that phrase. Mm Hmm. And it's more of a feeling of like being deeply relaxed and lifting off together, like on a mushroom cloud or something. Like a feeling of oneness and just deeply connected and you're so in tune with each other, like, you know, I like, I know exactly that if I just stroke my hands down her spine right now, it will just feel so good. You know, it's like, you're totally in sync with each other. I'm just giving each other. It's no pleasure without needing to go anywhere. This feeling of like, we need to start moving faster or, you know, there needs to be more pounding or anything like that. How very interesting. And that's very different than anything that I've done ever for sure before. Yeah, definitely. I've not heard of this before. I think this is very interesting. I think a lot of people have some homework to do is what I think. Yeah. And really the best way is just to, you know, commit to trying it for at least like three weeks, because it takes two weeks to kind of get over the out of the. Cycle, even if you haven't, you know, even if you haven't been intimate, it still takes like two weeks to get a really good sense. Like if you can come to kind of like doing the exchange, that's the way they are in the book, there are three weeks basically, and then go back to regular sex, then you really feel the different interesting. Yeah. Cause I was going to say like for those couples out there for, you know, her saying, oh geez, you know, haven't had sex in forever. We're more like roommates now. I don't know about this. I don't know. It kind of sounds like it might be a really great option to give. Oh, yeah. Oh yeah. And it, I mean, it's amazing how quickly it can come back. And, you know, obviously if there is emotional issues that aren't resolved, Well to resolve them in the process because you can't have two intimacy and be deeply madly in love with each other and hold onto grudges at the same time. That's what I'm saying. It's good to not just do it by yourself, not just get the book and do it by yourself, but have somebody like me to support you in that journey to help you with emotional stuff that comes up along that journey. So what suggestions or thoughts advice do you have for couples who may be in. Pickle of a situation, shall we say, who are struggling to overcome hurts, whether that be infidelity or just frustrations or lack of communication, what advice can you give to those couples? I would really, I would really suggest that they get the book and read the book and see if it makes sense to them. And that, that they entertain the idea that talking about it and general therapy is not going to solve the issue it has to do with something different and let's deal with the way that they've been making love. You know, even though if they're not making love right now, they might say, well, you know, we're not having, we're not making enough, but you didn't make love. Or you had regular sex at some point. And you've fallen into the trap that everybody falls into where you just get habituated to each other and get bored with each other. You know, it is, I believe it's the road cost for this connection to begin with. And then I do have a free training on my website that people can. To swatch and words explained a little bit more in the step that it really takes to transition. And, there is hope. I see it everyday with the couples that I help, you know, they're afraid, they don't know how it's going to happen. Some people haven't had sex in like years, you know, and the moment they stick to these practices to do it, this other thing kicks in and see the thing is when you do the, when you really deeply bond with somebody, you start feeling happy and content, and when you're happy and content, you don't even remember the grudges, you know, you're like a different person. You can't, like I said, you know, it, it, it is an uplifting practice, right? Rather than having to work through things and going to therapy and all that stuff, even though therapy has its place, you know, I don't want bad mouth therapy for somebody who's in crisis. It's good to have somebody that they could talk to and so forth. Um, but in terms of like shifting this, it really is much more of a physical practice and. You can be happy and the way you were when you first started in very short amount of time, without grilling, rehashing everything and having to work through things and things like that. Yeah. I found that fascinating. I found that there was something that you wrote that, there's scientific. As evidence that you said that shows that the lack of one, most people go to therapy let's just say is because they feel they're not communicating. Right. And he's not listening or she's not listening, but really it all comes down to the love making that you are or are not doing or how or how you're not doing it. Yeah. Well, you are because of it, like when you are, when your homeowners are in the right state and you feel amazing, you have way more patients, you know, you have way more love to give, right? So turn your drain. When you're drained and stressed, you don't have a big band with, to give to anybody please. Right? Valid point. And so this practice again called the bonding based love making is what keeps your hormones both as a female and a male balanced. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, I love that. So maybe not even needing, cause you know, in this day and age it's become such a big deal to get replacement hormone therapy. Now you would be developing your estrogen, your progesterone, your testosterone in different levels. So maybe, oh, oh, I'm off everything. I mean, you know, I had to take replacement hormones and stuff and from my adrenal fatigue and the chronic burnout and thyroid problems and it's all balanced. And I know other from other stories and Manya, she shares this in her book. Her husband, um, was an alcoholic and was addicted to painkillers because he had chronic back pain when they met. And within four months he was able to get, he started stopped drinking. He didn't need it anymore. Cause anxiety went away. But because anxiety also comes from nervous system and hormone system being out of whack. Right? Oh, this is fascinating. Yeah. I mean, there's just so many health benefits above and beyond the obvious. A wonderful experience to bond with your partner. To have natural hormones balanced, that sounds lovely. Yup. That's great. I love, and even, you know, a lot of people come and they say, well, you know, our sex drive is just different. Like she, you know, since I've had the kids, I just have super low libido. Um, it's just because when you have sex, the regular way it's draining and your body naturally just goes like, I don't want this. You know, when you go into this other, where actually you feel like you're being super pampered and get everything your body to start to like, oh yeah, give me more. And it starts to, you know, all of a sudden, it's not so much about libido, but about like your body, just getting what it needs and saying, yummy, give me more of this and becoming lubricated. And you know, all these issues also go away that people normally associate with, you know, a low testosterone or low, you know, whatever, whatever. Not correct. Or like when women and men begin in their forties and their fifties, you know exactly what you're saying. Interesting. So all that, those sort of issues kind of go away. Yup. Fascinating. I love this. We need to do like a test. I want to do like a test trial. This is phenomenal. I highly recommend it. Yeah. So what in general and knowing everything that you've gone through in your life, what couple of pieces of advice. Would you give to couples who really desire to say, okay, like we want this to be like a healthy, happy relationship. I want that, but I'll tell you what Carolyn I'm exhausted. And I don't know, what do we say? Well, the first thing to realize is that you'll never have control over outside circumstances. Other people, anything outside of you, the only thing that you have control over is you and the thing that's been most important and most helpful in my life is to. Take responsibility for my own energy management, right? To really figure out what are the things that I need so that I feel really good on a physical level, emotional level, spiritual level, and energetic. And in, in a sense, become really selfish, really self centered, to learn, to provide these things for yourself. And even if you start with baby steps, But where you start really giving to yourself because to be in a blissful relationship, part of it is to become like a blissful happy person. Not necessarily just by yourself, in a single person, but in essence, I am responsible to make sure that I have the time that I need to eat, that I have the time to rest, that I have good food that I need. You know, those like basic things. And then when I do that, my energy gets better. And then I have energy to do the things that I want to do. Most people it's not the time that we don't have. It's the energy that we don't have. You know, we all have the same amount of time, but most of us don't have the energy to do it. The things that we want to do, because we're so drained by the end of the day, because we do all the things we don't want to do. Right. And you touched on something there and we should address this. So for our singles out there who are taking time to maybe be by themselves and get themselves together and work on themselves, what suggestions do you give to that person? Because you've also been in that particular position. Yeah, I would still recommend reading the book and see if it's making sense. And then if you are dating, I mean, I started dating with having a really clear boundary that I just, this was the only sex I wanted to have, you know, and it was tricky because how do you tell that to a guy that you barely know? You know, and, and, um, It was also a good weeding out system for me because eventually, because I was really clear, I met the right person that does resonated within, that was willing to, you know, that had also been fed up. And for him, it was more like he had felt so under pressure to perform and. It felt like very, like, not insecure, but just like wasn't really enjoying sex so much anymore either because there was so much pressure from all the women. And so then I came along with this like, oh, you know, and he was like, oh good. This feels so nice. Like there's no more pressure to perform all the time. And, and, um, yeah, so just having, you know, getting the education and being courageous about bringing. That way you, you will find the people that the resonates with. And I'm finding that there's a lot of men that want something different and that want to figure out how to connect better. And they think it's tantra or, you know, like they have ideas of what it could be. And so are open, you know, to write learning this and then learning it together. Right. And since we're in this incredible time right now in our lives where everything is, I just keep saying we're all just in the snow globe. And it just keeps getting shaken, shaken every day. Why not shake up something, be it if you're, you know, single and, and you're, you're hoping to, find your soulmate or you feel you're with your soulmate. I mean, you have nothing to lose to give this a chance. And this is such a good point that you just made with everything around us, being so crazy and changing all the time. You need to find a way to, to create the peace of stability in your home and within you. You know, if you don't like you go mad in this world, oh, a hundred percent and you absolutely can. And then the relationships go into hell in a hand basket. Right. So how can the program that you have that you were so generous to share with me? The blissful marriage method? Let's talk about that a little bit. Cause that's pretty cool. How can that help our couples that are out there? Yeah. So in that program, I really teach, I start from the beginning with really understanding energy and what it means in your life and sharing the practices that will ultimately help you aside from the bonding based love, making there's practical one single practices, things that you can do in your everyday life. That help you take care of you in a sense, part of why, you know, most of you listening, you're probably saying, well, I've tried to make more time. I just can't. There's never enough. Never enough support, never enough money, never enough. Whatever. The reason why that is, is because in all of our subconscious, we are not trained to be thriving. Everything that we've seen modeled around us and that our ancestors have gone through for most of us from 99% or 95% of us, it was just about. Right. And so there's the subconscious controls, a huge percentage of our decisions and how we see the world and how we see what's possible for us. And it does it by images of, in our image, in our subconscious, we have an image of, we can only survive if you work really, really hard, you can try practicing doing these practices. I just talked about all day long and your subconscious will not allow you to find that. Because your subconscious wants you to survive. And if in your S in your subconscious hard work is connected to surviving, that's the only thing you'll be able to do. So part of word, the family constellation work, or the energy work that we do comes in is by going into your subconscious finding the places that don't let you do these practices, you know, they don't let you do the things that you know, that you shot consciously should be. We find those places and we, we basically erase them or transform them. So that then your subconscious gets on board. And once you have your subconscious on board with your conscious mind, then everything becomes automatic and easy, right? And that's the piece that most people are missing, but we can try to do something new with our conscious mind for a little while, but very, very quickly we were worn down. The minutia. Right. We've all experienced that. Right. So, and then the other part is when you're in a program like mine, you have the community of other people that are doing this also since, you know, this is something so new and so different, you can't talk to your friends about it. They think you're crazy. They make, I mean, the amount of people that have made fun of me because of this, I can't, you know, I can't even tell. On 50 hands, probably. So you can't really talk to anybody about those without risking where they kill, but we have a really strong community and group. And so you have people that you can talk about and that can affirm you and that share their experiences and you can learn from them, which that's actually proven to be hugely beneficial. Yeah. A sense of community. It's everything that everyone's looking for right now, for sure. Yeah. Well that sounds like an incredible, incredible program and opportunity for our listeners to take advantage of and all of Carolyn's information will be over in the show notes. So Carolyn, we are getting to this time in the show where I asked this one question, are you ready? Yes. What is one thing that no one knows about Carolyn. That's the question. I don't know if there's anything because I live such a transparent life. Um, I have lived in a tent for nine months on Canary islands. Really? How amazing now was this by choice or was this by universe? It was by choice. It wasn't a retreat center, a lot on the streets, not at a campground, it wasn't a retreat center, but the way that you live there was just in a very simple. Nope. What one aha moment did you take away from that time? How little we really need to be happy. I mean, it's one of the times that I was happiest, you know, and it was just, just me and nature and the people there, and we had a very rhythmical life, you know, it was very routine basically, and it was very liberating. Right, right. How beautiful. Oh, that sounds amazing right about now. A tent in nature. I love that on the ocean. It was right next to the ocean. I mean, it was, there was a big, big mountain and the ocean wealth. Right. So you were wedged in between the mountain and the ocean and the Atlantic ocean. So it was very wild nature. Oh, that's heaven to me. A mountain and ocean, a little bit of grass. That's all a girl needs. Yep. Wow. Well, Carolyn, thank you so much for being on the show today. Will you share with our listeners where they can connect with. Yes, the best way is to go to my website. And it's just my name. Carolyn C a R O L I N E Hauser, H a U S E r.com. You could just go to the work with me page and request a free session with me. And then the same thing on Facebook. It's just in my name. I'm on, I live on Facebook, basically. I love to connect with people and if you sent me a messenger messenger message, I'll respond. Wonderful. That's great. Thank you so much, Carolyn. This has been such an amazing session. Thank you for sharing your journey and all of your incredible insights to help us live a happy and blissful life. Be it while we're searching for our soulmate or with our soulmate. Now, my pleasure. Thanks for having me. Thank you. We'll as we say until next time. Thank you so much for tuning into another episode, please remember to rate, review and subscribe to empowered within with Jennifer Pilates. Your feedback is important. It helps me to connect with you and gives me insight into who you are and what you're enjoying about the show for today's show notes and discount codes from today's spot. Head over to Jennifer dot com until next time, may you live an empowered life from within