Finding Joy and Fulfillment: A Journey with Mike Duffy into the Recipe for Happiness

Ever wonder what an authentic recipe for happiness and fulfillment looks like? Philanthropist, author, and founder of Happiness Hall of Fame, Mike Duffy, graciously provides enticing ingredients for a joyful life in our conversation. We delve into Mike's personal journey from personal loss to finding an unexpected love for golfing with his daughter during the pandemic, serving as a vivid reminder of how evolving tastes can lead to newfound joys.

Not stopping at the personal, we broaden our horizons by examining the resilience of golf legend, Hale Irwin. As Mike narrates the tale of Irwin's triumph over immense pressure and fear to win his first US Open, we learn about the significance of action and courage in achieving our goals. Mike's personal formula for happiness and success - choosing happiness, staying on purpose, and ignoring negativity - is a beacon that guides us through the stormy seas of our own challenges. 

Our journey with Mike takes a philanthropic turn as he shines a light on his 'aha' moment leading to the establishment of the Happiness Hall of Fame Homeless Outreach program. His heartfelt stories of serving the homeless and bringing cupcakes to the Missionaries of Charity convent in San Francisco, emphasize the potency of compassion and kindness. Mike's sagacious advice on maintaining a positive mindset and planning for peace is a treasure for those in pursuit of happiness. As we wrap up, we take a glimpse into his financial advisory work and the importance of leaving a profound impact. Get ready to be inspired to greatness, happiness, and wealth, as you tune into this episode filled with powerful stories and practical tips.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:59

Welcome to Empowered Within, a soul-clenching, transformational podcast that will set your soul on fire. Through candid and inspiring conversations, leading experts, celebrities, healers and I share our journeys of how we've overcome challenges to living an empowered life from within. I'm your host, jennifer Pilates. Welcome to another episode of Empowered Within. Hi there and welcome to the show. Today's guest, mike Duffy, is a philanthropist and author of five books on happiness. He is the founder of the Happiness Hall of Fame and the CEO of Happiness Wealth Management. Mike has interviewed the top thought leaders, athletes, rock stars, ceos and celebrities in the world on happiness, work-life balance, resilience and success. For his books he was an emcee at the Woodstock 94. He gave a TEDx talk at TEDx Berkeley. Mike is here today to share how we can get happier, be more successful and live our best life. Now. Welcome to the show, mike.

Speaker 2: 2:03

Jennifer, I am so happy to be here right now with you. You are an amazing interviewer and everyone that can hear the sound of my voice. Stay to the end, because I've got great things to share about how you can increase your happiness, how you can find out your purpose and how you can live the successful life that you want to live.

Speaker 1: 2:23

I'm so happy to have you here today. I was just gushing over his book, the Happiness Book, a positive guide to happiness. Couldn't put it down. Highlighted, I think, the entire book. I was showing Mike all these yellow sticky notes throughout the entire book. Such a great book, and I opened it. I learned ways how to live a happy life. You really did such a great job of knitting together body, mind, spirit and soul Everything. So tell me, mike, how did it begin for you? How did you go to being Mr Happy?

Speaker 2: 2:57

Well, you know, here's the thing. I'm a silver linings guy. I always see the good in everything and unfortunately, in this life, you're going to have some bad times. It happens to all of us. People that we love unfortunately have to leave, and when I was 17, my mom passed away. It took three months from cancer and a very happy boy is now a very depressed kid. So I had to do everything in my power to get back to happy. So I got a degree in psychology. I read every single thing I possibly could on the power of positivity. Whatever there was that talked about success. I absorbed it, I devoured it and that hasn't stopped. That's my hobby. My hobby is reading great thought leaders on how to live a successful life.

Speaker 1: 3:53

We need that right now. So many people are wrapped up in their nine to five or I'm doing this, I'm doing that, I'm busy, I'm multitasking, and that's really not what we're here for. We're here for so much more. What can stop someone in their tracks to go? Here's one step that you can do right now to literally make this one of the happier days you've had in the last year and a half.

Speaker 2: 4:14

Well, there's a couple of things you could do. The first off, if we're going to do something instant, tell yourself that you're going to be choose to be happy, right? So happiness is a choice. Every moment of the day, All of us are flooded with negative thoughts, negative stimuli, and you can't stop that. A lot of people try, but you can't. But what you can do is you can ignore that and when they come in, like a martial artist in your mind's eye, whack them to the left, whack them to the right, don't let those seeds stay in your mind. Overcome that, and one of the ways that you can do that is to stay on purpose. So my happiness formula is P plus P equals H, Purpose plus progress equals happiness.

Speaker 2: 5:03

You see, Jennifer, there's two kinds of happiness. There's the one that's very easy to get, that's hedonic happiness. That's the happiness you get from shopping, from going on an expensive vacation that you can't afford, but that's not sustainable. The sustainable happiness comes in the eudaimonic happiness, which is the happiness that you get from making other people happy.

Speaker 2: 5:29

So what you want to do is you want to take out a piece of paper or your phone right now, and in the notes section of your phone the notes app, write down P plus P equals H, and then write down what the purposes of your life are, and we all have multiple purposes. So when I did this exercise 10 years ago, one of the purposes I wrote down was to be a great husband to my wonderful wife. Underneath that I wrote be a great father to my two great kids. Be a great financial advisor to my clients at happiness wealth management. And then over to the right under progress, I wrote every Saturday night is date night. You see, Jennifer, I learned a long time ago it's much cheaper to hire a babysitter than it is a divorce attorney.

Speaker 1: 6:21

That is great advice. Great advice. I hope everyone hates that.

Speaker 2: 6:26

Yeah, and so you know and under under be a great father to my kids. I wrote coach everything that they'll be in and I am happy to say that my 16 year old daughter has just made varsity golf and she's going to be in a tournament next week and we are just ecstatic. Life is great.

Speaker 1: 6:47

That's amazing. Congratulations to her and to you. How exciting. Yeah, that's really exciting. Are you an avid golfer as well?

Speaker 2: 6:55

Here's the story. You know, a lot of people are stuck. They're stuck in a rut, they're like this is what my life is, this is what my life will always be, and they discount the fact that in your life, your taste will change. So my daughter and I are what are called COVID golfers. That was the only thing we could possibly do, so we started golfing and now we both love it, and I hated golf up until this point, but it brings me great joy now.

Speaker 1: 7:23

There's been a lot of blessings that have come out of this last year and a half. That's a wonderful blessing, golf. I love golf.

Speaker 2: 7:30

It's so much fun. Well, you know, I'm glad that you like it and I really do encourage people to try it. Yeah, it's the only social thing basically you can do right now and you're out in the sun.

Speaker 1: 7:43

It's beautiful. It's beautiful. I used to go funny story in Vermont up in Killington area there was this little golf driving range and so after ski season that's what I would do. I would go and I would hit balls and the guy would count and he would go do you realize you just hit 400 balls, Wow. And I would say no. But you know, my abs feel amazing. It is the best abdominal workout ever and golf is so great. You have to be so present in the moment. Oh, yes, it is a meditation in itself. It really is.

Speaker 2: 8:18

I call it social yoga. Yes, right, yeah, because you have to. You can you know in between shots? You can talk to your friends what's going on with you, but then, when the moment comes that you need to strike the ball, you must put everything into it. Now, what is the benefit of that? When you're focusing on striking that ball, your boss isn't mad at you, you have no problems, you are completely focused. So it's an escape valve which you need. It's very important to get away from your problems.

Speaker 1: 8:50

It is. It's important to have some sort of escape, whatever that may be. Well, that's so exciting for the two of you. I'm so, I'm so happy. You're making me happy. So, one of the things in your book you have a wonderful way of talking about happiness and mindset and fear, and I thought that was rather brilliant how you gently woven those together, and I'm wondering if you could share, because it's such especially right now there's a lot of fear out there and if we could help bring people through that fear into some happiness today, I think that would be amazing.

Speaker 2: 9:23

Your biggest hurdle in your life will be the fear of everything fear of rejection, fear of losing your job, fear of moving to a place you've always wanted to move to, fear of asking or hanging out with the person that you really want to be with. And fear if you string it out, stands for false evidence appearing real. Because how many times, if you look back, when you actually took that chance, it didn't kill you. It didn't kill you to apply for that job. It didn't kill you to, you know, ask that person out or whatever it was. You know it brought you forward.

Speaker 2: 10:01

I remember when I met my wife who was at a Boston College Alumni Party. She went to Boston College I didn't and I remember seeing this beautiful woman across the floor at the end of the hall and I looked around. I said is there any guy bringing her a drink back? There's no way she could be alone. And I literally started running towards her and in my head I said what am I going to say when I get there? And I just told myself just say hi. And that was the greatest decision I ever made. Now I could have been, you know, fearful, like a lot of people are, and say, oh, she's probably with somebody, or she's too good looking for me, or anything like that. So you have to understand that fear is the greatest hurdle.

Speaker 2: 10:42

And you know Bernay Brown, who's got one of the most well-watched head talks. She's out of the University of Houston. She studies courage and vulnerability. How cool is that? That's really cool. And she says be courageous, don't live in the cheap seats, live in the arena. You know I had the blessing of being able to induct Muhammad Ali in person a number of years ago into the Happiness Hall of Fame.

Speaker 2: 11:11

She says ignore the haters, right. So let's take a look at when you see a boxing match, let's say, or an MMA fight. You have half the people raining down booze on a fighter and the other half raining down booze on the other fighter. Can you imagine if the greatest boxer of all time, muhammad Ali, got into the ring and he heard people booing at him? Do you think he would have stopped the fight and say stop it, you're hurting my feelings. I put a lot of time into this. No, he went about his business. You have a purpose in this life. Go about your business. Ignore the haters. They're in the cheap seats for a reason. Be courageous, I love that.

Speaker 1: 11:54

So tell me more about your Happiness Hall of Fame, because I want to know how I can get in Like I was, like I'm obsessed, like I need to be in the happiness hall of fame.

Speaker 2: 12:05

Well, you got to get by my advisory board, so okay. So the happiness hall of fame was started to encourage, recognize and celebrate people and organizations that make a profound effect on other people's happiness. So in the hall is the Golden State Warriors, steph Curry, serena Williams, derek Jeter, the San Francisco Giants, mother Teresa's Missionaries of Charity you know, it's just on and on and on the Make-A-Wish Foundation, the Wounded Warrior Project, the Ronald McDonald House, and every year at Stanford University we have a big induction ceremony and some of the folks that get inducted come on out and tell their stories. So if you're looking for inspirational videos instead of seeing how messed up the world is that's why I started the hall to shed light on the goodness of life Go to happinesshalloffamecom.

Speaker 1: 14:08

That's great, and so every year now were you able to do it the last two years.

Speaker 2: 14:13

So last year no, and this year no, I'm just inducting people without the ceremony. But when we start up again next year, you know, if they want, they can come out. And I have a really good story. You talked about fear and uncertainty. Would you like to hear about the latest inductee into the hall? Absolutely OK, and it goes to golf too. So now that I love golf, I'm starting to induct golfers. So Hale Irwin was one of the most recent inductees. Now golf is 550 to 600 years old, so you can imagine if somebody is rated as the 25th best golfer of all time, this guy's got to be a really great athlete, right, right.

Speaker 2: 14:57

So I reached out to Hale he calls me back and we spoke for about 45 minutes and I said Hale, I have become obsessed with golf and I was watching one of the most thrilling golf movies of all time, the 1991 Rider Cup. I've seen it three times now and you are the hero of that movie because you go last, and it's the US versus Europe and it's between you and the great Bernhard Langer, and he's about 46 years old, or maybe even 47. And I said can you please tell me so that I can give this wisdom to other people when I speak. How is it that, under so much pressure, that you can get such great results and success? How do you put all the noise to the side? He said Mike, I've won the US Open three times. I'm the oldest man to win the US Open, at 45 years old.

Speaker 2: 15:55

But when I was a young man I won my first US Open. But I almost didn't. You see, I got a panic attack, but the thing is, I thought I was having a heart attack. I'm on the 17th hole and it was at that hole that I realized wait a second, I can win this. And then, all of a sudden, the panic and the fear jumped in and my heart started beating outside of my chest. I started to look around to the left and the right sideline where I could mingle into the crowd and lay down and have my heart attack in peace.

Speaker 2: 16:27

He goes. I was completely off my game and I was about to lose and a voice came inside my head and it was my wonderful father's voice and he said Hale, I always told you to finish what you start and he goes. It was that wonderful pouring of love that my father had given me all of those years that I leaned on, I put my head down, I said I'm going to finish this out, and I won my first US Open. So I think that that's a great story for those that are unemployed, for those who have lost a loved one recently. Understand that this too shall pass, that if you can hold it together through these tough times, you'll get to the other side and to the victory that's come in your way. Thank you for sharing that.

Speaker 1: 17:17

What a move. I have such goosebumps from that story, oh my gosh, because I know what it's like to have a panic attack. I can't even imagine on the 17th hole having a panic attack. God bless him, oh my gosh, wow.

Speaker 2: 17:32

And that's one of the reasons why I put the hall together as kind of a justice league. So you know, when COVID hit, we were in the teeth of COVID. I reached out to one of the greatest selling authors in the history of the year, mark Victor Hansen. He's the co-author of Chicken Soup with the Soul, which, if you put them together, all of the books that were sold, are second only to the Bible. So I said hey, mark, it's Mike. How you doing, mike? What are you doing for COVID? This is messed up. What do I tell the folks? Right? So it's, you know, I can look down on my phone and I'll have an NBA coach give me a call.

Speaker 2: 18:08

Like a thousand years ago, st Augustine said that it's in giving that we receive. You know, how do you want to create your life? I remember growing up in the 70s in New York City. I was born in Brooklyn, raised in Queens. My mother was so beautiful. She was just she, as funny as Lucille Ball. She was an Irish immigrant with a sixth grade education, looks like Sophia Loren and loved people and she would talk to everybody. I remember one time she said to me, one time she said to the lady next door she says where's Frank? I haven't seen Frankie around. And she says, oh, you know, frankie went to go find himself. You know he moved to California to find himself, and the 70s were a lot about finding yourself. But my message today is that you don't find yourself, you create yourself. Who is it that you want to be? You can realize that objective and reach the goals and dreams that you've always wanted. You just have to put massive action into effect.

Speaker 1: 19:14

Any tips on how someone can go about that right now they say, okay, I want to create, I want to figure out what my purpose, my passion is. Mike, how do I begin?

Speaker 2: 19:22

First of all, you have to sit down and you have to put pen to paper. Benjamin Franklin said that 1% of people are successful because only 1% of people write down their goals. Jennifer, I remember a number of years ago, I was in my starter house Again, I've been researching success and all of this stuff for a long time. I was writing down my goals and my notes out. I was writing down goals that I knew were achievable. What's the point in that? I was too afraid to put down my real goals, which was I want my dream house in this town and it's going to look like this. I wanted to make X amount of money, but I was like well, I don't want to be disappointed. That's why most people don't reach where they can go because they don't want to be disappointed. They don't want to feel like a failure.

Speaker 2: 20:11

Write down goals that you want, your dream goals, big, hairy goals that you think that you're never going to achieve. Why not? What do you have to lose? You don't have to share this with people, but write it down Today. Write down what you want to achieve for the rest of 2021. Then, the beginning of next year, write down what you want for 2022. Every year, do that and then go back and visit. Take a victory lap. When you see what you've accomplished, pat yourself on the back. That's what I would recommend.

Speaker 1: 20:42

I think that's a great recommendation and an easy way to start pen to paper today. That's a great thing. Well, I have a question for you what's your favorite restaurant on Boylston Street in?

Speaker 2: 20:55

Boston? Yeah, I can't remember it. However, they have a Vietnamese crab appetizer that is the most delicious. I don't remember the name of the place, but it's spectacular. It's unshelled.

Speaker 1: 21:11

I was wondering if it was Avin Lewis. I lived in the back bay for a while and I was a regular at Avin Lewis. Loved my going away party. I have wine glasses to this day, still from Avin Lewis. Thank you to the bartender, that was so kind.

Speaker 2: 21:26

Well, also legal seafood. Legal seafood is amazing.

Speaker 1: 21:33

So delish. I love that area. What is one aha moment that you've had throughout your research, throughout studying? Happiness and success and bringing this into your life? What is one moment that sticks out? Is such this Aha a moment for you.

Speaker 2: 21:48

It was when I inducted Mother Teresa's Missionaries of Charity into the Hall. So the Missionaries of Charity in San Francisco had to coordinate to get India's approval the head of the organization there to accept the award and so they called me back and said it's a go, so come on up to the convent in San Francisco. So I brought the award and I wanted you know, I'm Irish, so the Irish love sweets and so I wanted the nuns to have a great dessert that night. So we have designer cupcakes around here and I got two dozen designer cupcakes and I also wanted my daughter, kendall, to experience what it is like to be around these amazing women who give their entire lives for the poor. I wanted her to experience real dedication to a noble purpose. So we went up, we walk in and I said to the mother superior, I want you guys to have a great dessert tonight. And she said oh, our friends on the street will love these cupcakes.

Speaker 2: 22:48

And all of a sudden you ask for an aha moment. My life was changed permanently. So that was the birth of the Happiness Hall of Fame homeless outreach. I go out almost every day and I look for my friends on the street and I make new friends, and what these people need is a lot of things, but what they need is love. They need a friend. They need someone who knows their name, who knows what they're dealing with, what their problems are. I pray with them right on the street, but what I really get out of it is that they pray for me on the street. So it's a two-way street and let me tell you something, a lot of their prayers have come true. So that was my biggest aha moment, when I rededicated myself to my friends on the street.

Speaker 1: 23:37

That's beautiful. We have that in common. I've always done that.

Speaker 1: 23:41

It was big to me working with St Vincent de Paul out in Arizona and now that I've been here in Florida just the other day, as a matter of fact I went over to the dollar store and they had some of this fancy Icelandic water which, so it doesn't have fluoride in it. So I said, oh, I'm going to get some of this and I wanted to just go for a drive. So I drove down towards Fort Myers City and there's a lot of homeless people that gather in a certain area and I saw this one woman and she was so beautiful to me and I drove back around the block, stopped my car, you know, and started chatting with her and introduced myself and said you know, could I offer you some water? And it was just such a wonderful exchange and it just warms my heart, like for you giving back and serving others and remembering that we're all brothers and sisters. All our DNA is connected in some ways, shape or form, and we've got to be here for one another, especially in these times.

Speaker 2: 24:37

Yeah, you know one of the favorite moments of my life. The San Francisco Giants are in the hall. They came out to Stanford, they brought their three World Series trophies and I'm making a movie, and so they're in the movie and I have a great relationship with their front office as a result. So, when I was visiting with my friend Zach for six months now, zach was born without the ability to stand. He has to drag himself by the knuckles in order to move forward.

Speaker 2: 25:06

I said to Zach, who used to sit outside of the Walgreens in the shadow of Stanford University, I said, zach, what is the desires of your heart? What are your dreams? And he said, Mike, my dream is to meet the players of the San Francisco Giants. I said, zach, let me see if I can make that a reality. So I called the front office and they said absolutely, not only will we have him meet the players, but you can come during batting practice doing our premier game of the season, our hated rivals, the LA Dodgers. Oh, big game, you can meet them, yeah. So I'm wheeling him out onto the field during batting practice and he says to me Mike, this is the greatest day of my life. And I said, zach, this is one of the greatest days of my life. So, again, it's in giving that we receive.

Speaker 1: 25:59

It is, it truly is, and happiness comes forth through that. Yeah, you know, filling your soul, filling your cup up is so important. What one piece of advice would you give to someone who is listening and who's hearing but really needs that extra pull into happiness today?

Speaker 2: 26:19

Sure. So you have to keep a positive mindset. You have to, you have to plan for peace. One of the latest inductees is Dr Kevin Elko. Dr Kevin Elko is a sports psychologist and he has won 30 football championships, or he's helped win 30 football championships as a member of different staffs, both professionally and in the college ranks. Most of them came with Nick Saban. He helped the Philadelphia Eagles beat Tom Brady when everybody counted them out the Pittsburgh Steelers. This guy's at the top of his game. So he goes into these locker rooms with really tough men and he gets them on a level of success and place of peace. So all of us have setbacks.

Speaker 2: 27:07

If you're playing in a football game and it's the first quarter and it's, and the opponent is up 21, nothing, what are you going to think? You're going to go well, we lost this game, right, right? But he tells them these powerful words so what now? What? So? Put that in your mental Rolodex. So when you lose your job or something bad happens to you, say it, tell it to yourself. So what now?

Speaker 2: 27:33

What Dr Wayne Dyer used to say? The past is ash, you can't go back and visit it. It doesn't matter, right? So whatever has just happened to you Can't happen again, right? So just say, okay, well, that happened. Now what do I do?

Speaker 2: 27:48

And the other thing you want to do is you want to plan for peace In this rocky road that we call life. But this beautiful, adventurous road, there are gonna be potholes and so if you know you're gonna take a journey, you have to say, okay, this could go wrong, this go around, this go wrong, and I'm going to plan. If that goes wrong, I'm gonna do this, if that goes wrong, I'm gonna do this. But there's always the unforeseen potholes.

Speaker 2: 28:12

If you practice the mindset of planning for peace that, no matter what comes your way, you are not only gonna stay in peace, you're gonna stay in power, because when you're in a place of peace, you're in a place of power. Don't give your power away. You know for new parents with the babies crying, and you know younger parents with the bills and their jobs, dress all that stuff these three words Patience, love and kindness. There was a time when you were that screaming baby or toddler right and you were taken care of. So it's your turn now to return the favor poor patience, love and kindness into your children, no matter how frustrating.

Speaker 1: 28:55

And into everyone else around us right now, because we all need it. Everyone is, everyone's fighting something right now. Yeah well, mike, we are getting to that time in the show where I asked this one question Are you ready? I'm ready, all right. What is one thing that no one knows about? Mike Duffy?

Speaker 2: 29:14

Well, you know what, if it wasn't for our extensive talk today about golf, I would say it was golf because I'm a recent golfer, so most people don't know that I think that's great that you and your daughter have picked this up and Turned it not so fabulous situation into a really fun one. Exactly.

Speaker 1: 29:34

Yeah, that is really great. Are there any parting words of happiness that you would like to leave with our audience?

Speaker 2: 29:41

Yes, everybody needs to know this. If you can hear the sound of my voice, understand this. You are the author of the story of the rest of your life. Make that story one of amazing adventure, generous giving and helping others, noble purpose, massive action, a legacy of kindness filled with love, incredible joy and happiness. God bless you and stay happy.

Speaker 1: 30:10

Beautiful. Thank you so much, mike. Thank you for coming on the show and sharing your happiness, all your incredible insights and your beautiful stories. Thank you so very much.

Speaker 2: 30:20

Jennifer, you're doing a great job. Keep it up. Thank you so much for having me on today.

Speaker 1: 30:24

Oh, you're so welcome, and please let our audience know if they'd like to connect with you. Where's the best place to do that?

Speaker 2: 30:30

Well, if you're looking for a speaker, mike Duffy speaks comm. And if you're looking for a financial advisor to help you plan that path to greatness, happiness, wealth management comm.

Speaker 1: 30:42

Thank you so much, and all of that will be in the show notes over at Jennifer Pilates comm, so be sure to head over and check that out and, as we say, until next time. Thank you so much for tuning into another episode. Please remember to rate, review and subscribe to empowered within with Jennifer Pilates. Your feedback is important. It helps me to connect with you and gives me insight into who you are and what you're enjoying about the show. For today's show notes and discount codes from today's sponsors, head over to Jennifer Pilates comm. Until next time, may you live an empowered life from within.